Forget Me Not
by StardustIsMagic
Summary: My best friend, with an overly infectious smile, and beautiful in every way possible, turned out to be the very person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. It's a shame that from the beginning it was clear that was never going to happen.
1. Leave

"_If You Ever Leave Me Baby, Leave Some Morphine At My Door, 'Cause It Would Take A Whole Lot Of Medication To Realize What We Used To Have We Don't Have Anymore. Just Like The Clouds My Eyes Will Do The Same, If You Walk Away Every Day It Will Rain." - Bruno Mars; It Will Rain_

* * *

><p>I was what you could call the definition of a hopeless romantic. The idea of love itself seemed so beautiful to me, knowing that one person out there thought the entire world of you was a feeling no one could ever deny was insane. I knew well enough that life wasn't like a movie, but it didn't stop me from wishing it was, which was probably the exact same for every other sixteen year old teenager in the world right now.<p>

So naturally, when the concept of imprinting was thrown on me, I had no intention of thinking to deny it. It was magic, it was fate; two things I whole heartedly believed in. I think the most magical part for me was that you knew it was forever, even after you died, your souls were bound together for eternity. Okay, so I made it sound like a curse just then, but honestly, feeling that pull towards someone, that need and desire to constantly be with them didn't make it feel like it was. I felt special, I felt an endless amount of love, and I felt as if I fit perfectly like a puzzle piece.

Of course just because I was so enthralled by it, didn't necessarily mean the other half of I did. Yep, that was just about where my luck ran out, which doesn't really come as a surprise since the average life of me nothing ever completely went my way.

So here I was, my body still and cold, and the stench of blood so thick that I could taste it along with my own, the faint cries of pain or anguish from others rang out like a bell. It made my heart ache in excruciating pain, more than it already did so, and it made my eyelids feel heavy. I was going to die. No doubt about it, my body was broken, I couldn't move a single bone, not even a finger. I'm not afraid of dying, its natural, but dying in the way things had turned out was what scared me. I was scared of knowing things would never be fixed, I was scared of knowing I was leaving the most important thing in the world to me without them fully knowing how much they meant to me.

If I had enough strength I would have broken out with a Katy Perry song right about now. There I go, cracking jokes even in my time of death, and I may have even laughed if my chest didn't feel crushed, bits of broken glass tangled into my brown hair. I at least wished I had someone here to whisper words of encouragement in my ear, telling me that I was gonna be okay, lies that I only wanted to hear just so I wouldn't feel so lost. Someone to make me feel warm and safe, like I always felt, instead of the cold lonely air I was dealing with right now.

I kept thinking that if I wished for him to be here bad enough then he would magically appear, making me happy even for these last few moments of my life, making me happy with going. My best friend since I was thirteen, the idiot with the overly infectious smile, a big heart and beautiful in every way possible, who turned out to be the very person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with; Jacob Black. It's a shame from the beginning it was clear that was never going to happen.

* * *

><p><strong><em>7<em>****_ Months Earlier..._**

The constant tapping, or should I say heavy knocking, that repeated on my window caused me to let out a loud groan, and rolling over onto the other side of my bed I looked to the alarm clock on my bed side table. I did not enjoy being woken up at three forty in the morning, and it wasn't the first time either, or the second, in fact being woken up from a deep slumber in the early hours of the morning occurred almost every night.

"It's unlocked you moron!"

I knew for a fact Jake had heard me, seeing as he had unnatural hearing abilities, so when I heard the window slide open to my left and the heavy footing of Jake land on my floor boards, I decided to bury my head deeply into my pillow and resume my peaceful sleep. Moments later after the window had been shut I felt him collapse onto my bed, taking up the entire other half of it, his warm arm draping its self over my shoulder as he let out a deep sigh. Letting out one of my own I rolled over, resting my arm under my head to look him in the eye, it was going to be one of those nights.

I could see him give me an apologetic smile through the darkness, dressed in his usual attire of nothing but cut off shorts. I can't say it ever really bothered me, as I had spent my teen years with him, Embry and Quil. Never the less it didn't stop the insane surge of butterflies in the pit of my stomach every time he laid his dark brown eyes on me, and running a hand through my tangled brown hair I looked to him, waiting for him to speak.

"It's Bella." Of course, it always was when it came to Jacob's down moods. I ignored the feeling of my stomach dropping in side, and attempted to smile back at him through the dark.

"Dr. Phil time, so spill."

He let out a deep chuckle, running a hand through his messy hair, before bringing it to touch the top of my head, lingering there while he spoke. I'd never met Bella, nor did I ever want to, I'd heard enough come from Jacob about how amazing she was and how he loved how pale her skin naturally was that I could just about create an image of her in my head, which to be honest, didn't look all that. Even before Jake had gone through his change, when he had his long hair, he seemed so besotted by her that it irritated me, while Embry and Quil just seemed to find it funny.

I tried to stay positive about liking her, but from hearing the way she treated Jake, and seemed to class him as her consolation prize, she really made it difficult. She increased my dislike after Jake had decided to tell me before his patrol tonight that she had decided to leave him and go chasing after her random boyfriend abroad.

Jake honestly was the best person I knew, he was so loyal and overly forgiving, to the point where it may have been a fault. But it didn't make him a bad person, it just made him too nice, where people like Bella openly took advantage, and me, but I don't count because he's my best friend. _Real _best friend. Since apparently Bella so openly speaks about him being hers, when she's only known him for less than six months, you can't beat three and a half years of friendship.

I looked to Jake sadly as he finished his rant, snuggling up to him in the covers and taking in his warmth, which came in handy quite a bit seeing as we lived in La Push, his arm wrapped around me and I rested my head on his shoulder laying in silence for a while before I spoke.

"I don't doubt that she can't see how great you are, I just think she takes it for granted … and it's really her loss."

He didn't say anything, but the soft kiss I felt him plant over my hair was an indication that he understood, and that he was thankful for me listening, and without anymore thoughts I fell back into a deep sleep, feeling safe and warm next to Jacob.

I woke up feeling over heated and a sweat breaking out, which is not how I like to wake up in the morning, or should I say afternoon, looking to my bedside clock and noticing it was past twelve. Wriggling out from under Jacob's arm and insane body temperature, I got out of bed, attempting to run a hand through my tangled bed hair.

Stumbling into the bathroom across the hall, I noticed the house was eerily quite, indicating that my father wasn't at home, and rubbed the crust out of my brown eyes as I looked in the mirror. Rubbing a hand over my face and taking in my lightly tanned skin, being half Quileute helped in that, but my small lips and thin nose were probably the only features that indicated I wasn't full, inheriting both those and my light brown hair from my mother.

Going about my usual bathroom routine I walked back into my room to change, throwing on a red checkered shirt and blue jeans, and pulled my hair back into a messy bun. Walking around to Jakes side of the bed I pulled back the covers, not that it did much for him since his own body heat kept him warm, and began to shake him awake. It wasn't an easy task, seeing as he slept like a rock, and my small hand did barely anything when compared to his boulder sized biceps.

This was my polite way of trying to wake him, and seeing that it never worked I usually resulted to pulling him off the bed, which again wasn't an easy task, feeling like I was trying to pull a whale off. When it eventually happened, Jake fell face first into the floorboards, and I held no shame in laughing loudly at the sound of it, leaning on the window sill for support.

His head snapped up to give me a large glare, and I found myself rolling my eyes at him, "Oh please, don't look at me like it hurt! It was the only way to get you up."

Jacob's glare never left his face, but I could see the traces of a smile fighting to emerge on his face, and when he finally stood up to his full height I tossed him a black T-shirt, one of the many that he would leave here before running off into the woods.

"I may be used to it, but if dad ever came in and saw you topless in my bed … I'd rather not get the pep talk about the birds and the bee's."

"Actually I think he'd be happy someone as godlike as me was in your bed, and not some random stranger."

Jacob's adorned a smirk on his face as we shuffled out of my bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen, figures. That boy and food were soul mates, he hovered anything that was given to him on a plate, and always asked for seconds. An eyebrow rose on my face and looking at him sceptically I spoke with a monotone voice.

"I think the main reason we became friends Jake, was because I thought your modesty was astounding."

Jacob snorted, diving for the fridge to bring out a number of things to make one big meal, consisting of bacon, baked beans and eggs, all of which I knew he expected me to cook, and lucky for him I hard a large appetite. Grabbing the frying pan off the rack, and a couple of sausages from the cupboard I set up our meal, turning on the radio to fill the place with some music.

Jacob slung an arm over my shoulder, leaning forward to take a deep breath in of the scent of bacon, and although our close proximity was a usual occurrence, I still had to fight back the blush that was creeping up my neck. Resting his chin on my shoulder while he watched me, we were both silent, not really needing any conversation to fill the gaps, not that we ever needed to, sometimes we just enjoyed each other's company like that.

He sighed longingly, looking at the food on his plate as if he were a love sick puppy, and I had to refrain myself from rolling my eyes at his animalistic behaviour.

"Silver Kwaiya, have I ever told you how god damned good your cooking is?"

"All the time, and I'm starting to think that's the only reason you're still friends with me … but then I realize this is me where talking about and that I'm too awesome for that to ever happen."

"And you said my modesty was astounding." I grimaced at the amount of chewed food I saw in Jacob's mouth as he spoke, and used my hand to forcefully push his face away from my direction.

"You're such a dog! Stop talking with your mouthful!"

A muffled laugh came out from his still full mouth, and I had to let out one of my own as he opened his mouth wide again, showing his food to be even more mashed up just for the kicks of grossing me out. Slapping his face away with force this time I stuck my tongue out at him, earning a rather uncomfortable head lock and noogie from him as we sat at the dining table in the kitchen.

"God, I love you." He said amusedly as he finally let go of my head, and resumed back to devouring his food, I shrugged at him like a child, giving him a wide smile, "I know."

* * *

><p><strong>So just a heads up, there wont be much of a chronological order to this, chapters are going to jump from present to past. Past being memories, and well .. present being present, haha, but yes anyway I was really nervous about posting this so please just let me know you like it or not ... that would be loads of help! :)<strong>


	2. Falling

_"You Got That Smile That Only Heaven Can Make, I'll Pray To God Everyday That You Keep That Smile. Everything That I Have Is Yours You Will Never Go Cold Or Hungry, 'Cause You Are The Only Thing That I Got Right Now, One Day When The Sky Is Falling I'll Be Stand Right Next To You." - Chris Brown; Next To You_

* * *

><p>Everything felt amplified, the sounds around me, the pain in my head, the soreness in my throat, and my eyelids felt heavy. I don't think I've ever felt this much pain before, and as I fought to open my eyes I had to try and stop myself from wincing so much. What I guessed to be a large warm hand encased my own, and for some reason it felt as if it was supposed to comfort me, or if it was familiar for me, but I couldn't seem to pin point how or why it was.<p>

I had no idea where I was, or with who, and as much as I tried to move or wake up it felt as if I couldn't, my body wasn't listening to me, and I wanted to scream out of frustration for it. I felt my body slipping back into some sort of sleepy state, and as much as I tried to fight it, I held no chance, falling back into whatever deep slumber I was in.

"When she wakes she'll probably be a little confused, so we just need to keep her calm, don't overwhelm her with things."

That was a voice I failed to recognise, it was deep and calm, so I assumed it belonged to a man. His voice was soothing, soft, and his tone alone made me feel a little calmer in this situation. This time when I cam out of my deep slumber, I could at feel parts of my body moving, first my fingers, then I felt my legs shuffle a little to make myself more comfortable, and then I could finally open my eyes.

The sight that greeted me was a very confusing one, of course my parents were there, my fathers darkly tanned skin was unusually pale, and my mothers brown hair looked messy and un-brushed, both of them adorning a very tired look, heavy eye bags on both, and a lot older looking from what I last remembered. They both stood at the end of what I thought to be my bed, next to what I assumed to be a doctor, which was mostly because of the white looking lab coat he wore, along with a clipboard in his hand.

By far he had to be the most beautiful older man I had ever seen, his golden eyes seemed to hypnotize me and his pale skin contrasted a considerably large amount to the other people in the room, some of whom I still failed to recognise. He also had extremely blonde hair, making me question whether he bleached it to be that colour, or if it was natural he certainly looked pretty enough to do the former. A charming smile was directed towards me, one that didn't fully reach his eyes, and I found myself staring back confusedly.

"Where- where am I?" I flinched at the sound of my own voice; it seemed different to what I last remembered it to sound like, more … mature if that even was a way to describe what it sounded like. And my throat felt extremely dry, sore, as if there was cuts all inside, a hand instantly went to touch the base of it.

"My name is Dr. Cullen Silver, and you're in the hospital."

I should have guess from the boring white walls, and the plain white bed sheets that I was tangled in, not the mention the monitor that was beside me which was most likely keeping tabs on my heart beat, which happened to be flying at a speeding rate from the panic I felt. My hand shot to my nose, where I felt two small breathing tubes snaking it's way into my nostrils, I watched as Dr. Cullen made his way to the right side of my bed, and removed them for me, and when he did I felt as if I could take a long deep breath outside in a field somewhere.

"Honey, are you okay? How are you feeling?" My mother stood rigid to the spot, at the foot of my bed beside my mother, as if she were afraid to come near me, as if I weren't real, all the while my father said nothing, staring at me in wonder and I longed to be held by both of them.

"Everything hurts, my head the most … what happened Mum?"

It was only then I noticed my other hand was still encase into a large warm one from when I previously came around, and it belonged to someone I felt I had known before, he sat on the side of my bed to the left, and his eyes remained completely focused on me, and they seemed to hold nothing but pain and worry. I questioned myself if it were for me, his eyes were the darkest shade of brown I had ever seen, yet they seemed to be the most beautiful of all in the room, they were so compelling, so mesmerising. I was drawn to them like a moth to a flame, and I took in every inch of his face, ever curve of his face and his strong jaw line. He was huge too, his shoulders were broad and toned, and even sitting down I had to guess that he was at least six foot something, and the dark grey T-shirt he wore stretched out over his supposedly large and ripped torso.

It felt like we had been looking into each others eyes for hours, but was probably only seconds when he spoke, "There was a huge accident on the freeway, a big pile up, you were on a bus to Seattle when it got caught up in it, you're lucky to be alive Silver."

His voice was so deep, so beautiful, I had to remember to actually listen to the words and understand the gravity of my situation, and the fact that I was holding a strangers hand. Removing my hand from his I shuffled over to the right side of my bed, seeing the pain and confusion in his eyes made a jolt of pain go off in my chest, but now wasn't the time for such things.

"Why was I on a bus to Seattle?"

"You were coming to visit me Silver." My mother replied for me, although I didn't expect her to answer, she seemed almost hesitant in her reply, scared of whether I would explode any minute. Instead of her answer helping in my confusion it only made my head hurt more, twice as confused as I already was.

"Why were you in Seattle?" That felt as if it were a million dollar question, it was as if everyone's breath hitched in their throats, a hand went to my mothers mouth as tears streaked down her face, and my fathers already tired face fell into his hands, the only people who seemed to be functioning at the moment was my doctor, and the boy beside me.

"Silver, you do know who I am right?" I could hear the panic in the boys voice, and I shook my head at him, slightly afraid of what his reaction would be, and it was the exact reaction that made my stomach drop, his face fell completely, looking like he had been stabbed in the back from someone.

He moved closer to me on the bed, grabbing both my hands and holding them too tightly for my liking, he spoke desperately, as if it would snap some sort of sense into me that I wasn't aware of having.

"It's me! It's Jake, your Jake!" I pulled my hands out of his quickly, cowering away as he began to tremble slightly, he looked as if he were about to cry.

"Doctor what's happening?" My mothers cry echoed in the room, I didn't understand what was wrong, what was I supposed to have done wrong for them to behave this way. Dr. Cullen asked me to keep my eyes wide open as he examined them with a flash light, softly touching a sore spot on my head which was apparently one of the many sever injuries I had gained from the accident. He proceeded to tell me that I had cracked my skull open on the side of my head, which caused an enormous amount of swelling, along with breaking my back, which had healed slowly over an apparent five months, but that I would still find it difficult to walk and do normal things. So I had gathered that since the accident I had been in some sort of coma, which seemed to be fine with Dr. Cullen as it said it gave me time for my head and spine to heal without causing any complications to my life.

All the while I was being told this, the constant sobs of my mother carried on, with the extreme silence of both my father and the boy who had previously called himself 'Jake'. My hand shot up to the left side of my head, were my hair was extremely short, stopping just above my ear, apparently for the operation my hair had been shaved off, and had only just started growing back. I can't imagine what I looked like with the left side of my hair being so short, compared to the other side where it went way past my shoulders, I had to remember to get it all cut when I got out of hair, which I have to admit made me feel a little heart broken.

"It seems that to due the amount of swelling and trauma on the temporal lobes in Silver's brain, which is located at the side that it has severed with her short term memory.."

"Short term? She can't remember who I fucking am!"

I flinched at the vicious and deep voice of the boy beside me, but not out of fear, more out of guilt for the amount of pain he seemed to be in. Pain that I was causing and I couldn't fix it, because I didn't know how I had hurt him, from the way he behaved with me we seemed to be extremely close, and from the way I was drawn to him I figured that we may have been going beyond

"Silver what is the last memory you can remember?" Dr. Cullen ignored everyone else in the room, and when he had asked me that question I felt everyone's eyes fall on me, making me squirm out of feeling uncomfortable. I closed my eyes, wincing at the pain in my head as I tried to remember something, anything that would helped everyone out, it felt as if there was someone inside my head smacking a baseball bat around to cause me more pain.

"Take your time, there's no pressure." Jake's soft and soothing voice calmed me a little, for reasons I had no idea on, and this time when he clasped my hand in his I made no move to let go, in fact I softly moved in his direction, craving the warmth he gave me.

I stayed silent for a while, thinking as hard as I could without hurting my already traumatised head. You would think it would be easy to think of the last memory you had, that it wouldn't take much thinking at all in fact, but I felt like I had to search for it, that I was going through a long hallway of empty books before I found one that was familiar.

"Coming home from my first day of eighth grade, I came home to my mum and dad sitting in the kitchen waiting for me, they told me they had something important to tell me … but I can't remember what …"

Dr. Cullen looked to my parents with a crease in his perfect forehead, and Jake's face couldn't have possibly dropped anymore, I looked to my parents myself, my mother had completely dropped to the floor in cries of pain now, finally making tears of my own spill from my eyes, and it was for many reasons. For causing so many people who seemed to love me so much an enormous amount of pain, for having no idea what was going on and being kept out of the loop for something that seemed to be so huge, for my head and body hurting to the point where I wanted to scream, for everything.

My father had always been the strong one out of my parents, and although he seemed to be breaking inside, he spoke with a firm yet heart broken voice, and what he said made me feel like my heart was going to stop forever.

"Silver … sweetheart … that memory happened four years ago."

* * *

><p><em><strong>10 Months Earlier...<strong>_

"Hey! Quil Ateara don't you dare walk away from me!"

In the week I hadn't seen Quil at school he seemed to grow a whole foot more, just like Jake and Embry had when they started ignoring me, and his shoulders had become more broader and ripped just like Jake's and Embry's had. I knew what was happening, he was changing, joining them, and there was no way in hell I was about to let that happen, I would not lose another friend to Sam's weird freemason's wacko cult.

Quil turned around, his body rigid and stiff on the spot, he glared at me, as if it were going to make me flinch and back away, and although he may towered over me it was not going to happen. I had know Quil for a long time, known that he was no where near hostile but a soft prankster, the idiot of the group. Walking up so that my face was inches away from his chest I point a finger in his face, glaring back at him with as much hostility, ignoring the fact that he started to shake. We stood at the end of his back yard, near the woods where he was supposedly going, for reasons only god could know.

"What happened to us two sticking together huh? That we were gonna get Jake and Embry back from that stupid freemason's group huh? And now you just flat out erase me from your life and jump on the band wagon? Who do you think you are?"

I wasn't angry, to be honest I was just hurt, and a little irritated, but I didn't let that show in my voice, I made sure that it was loud and volatile, something that I only saved for when someone really deserved it. Quil backed away from slightly as his shaking increased, his glare never ceasing but he almost seemed afraid to stand too near me, I only followed him to keep the close proximity between us.

"Silver … you need to back off; I can't be around you." His voice was hoarse, straining to talk as he gritted his teeth.

"What the hell are you on about? I'm speaking about the fact that scrawny joker Quil is now some buff freemason member!"

He forcefully pushed me away then, to him it may have been a light push seeing how big he now was, but for me it was like being knocked over by a boulder, and I ended up stumbling back and fall flat on my ass in the mud.

"Oh shit- Silver I didn't mean to-" But I didn't let him finish his apology as I jumped right back up and pushed him back with as much strength as I possibly had, although it barely did anything since Quil didn't even flinch.

"You fucking asshole! First Em, then Jake … and now you! My best friends who are supposed to care about me and you're all ditching me!"

"Silver it's not like th-"

"Shut up I haven't finished! You three are all I have apart from dad; we're supposed to have each others backs! You all said you were never gonna leave!"

My eyesight blurred as a fountain of tears fell from my eyes, and I took steps back from Quil to wrap my arms around myself, I haven't cried in a long time. I never cry, it's something I try my best not to do, I hate feeling vulnerable, but from the way things had panned out over the last two months had made me want to scream.

I didn't realize that what I had said hit a very sore spot for Quil, sending anger and guilt through his mind to make him feel beyond furious, but not with me, with himself. That's when it happened, something that stopped by sobs completely and made me stare wide eyed at what was happened to Quil. His skin seemed to tear like in a horror movie, and cries of pain and anger boomed like it came from a speaker out of his mouth, soon turning into a loud growl, like a dog, and then something that should only happen in Hollywood films occurred.

Out of the tear of his skin, came a bronze coloured fur that encased his entire body, and a set of large sharp teeth emerged from his mouth, no longer was I looking at Quil, I was looking at a beast on all fours that was bigger than any bear I had ever seen in my life. I reacted the only way a normal person would in this situation, I screamed, very loudly at that screaming so loud and terrifyingly, covering my eyes with my hands as if it would erase what I had just saw.

Warm thick arms wrapped around me and yanked me backwards, and I felt myself being pressed up against someone's bare chest.

"Shit Jake, he phased in front of her! He can't even control it yet, and he fucking phased in front of her!"

"Silver! Calm down, it's me! It's Jake!" I stopped my thrashing as I looked up to him, seeing him for the first time since he changed, looking into his deep brown orbs I froze.

I'd looked at Jake many times before, and I'd always had that same butterfly feeling when I did, but this time it was different. This time it was like a flame had been sparked inside me, as if something connected us on such a deep level, a feeling so strong and strange that I couldn't bring myself to look away from him. I was too afraid that I would lose this feeling, this feeling I knew for a fact I would never feel looking at anyone else ever again, and it was perfect. He stared into my eyes with such intensity, such wonder, like I was the only thing that mattered to him, like I was his only reason for living, and him to me. I felt heat rise to my cheeks, my heart beat at the fastest pace it had ever been, and that I was sure Jake could hear it.

"Em, get Quil out of here, calm him down so he can change back … I'll take care of Silver."

I barely heard what he had said, it didn't register in my mind as I stared into his beautiful eyes, and he didn't once break that eye contact as he spoke. I wasn't even sure if he had said anything in the first place, not that I really cared, I was happy with just staying here wrapped on his strong warm arms. It felt as if nothing could hurt me, like nothing harmful could within touching distance because I knew that as long as Jake was there, that I was completely safe.

I had no idea what was happening, no idea why all of a sudden my crush for Jacob felt like so much more because of one little moment between us, and at the same time I knew things were gonna be a whole lot different. That things won't ever gonna be the same, with no idea how or whether it was going to be for the better, I welcomed the feeling, embraced it even, making sure to never let this feeling go.

* * *

><p><strong>Sooooo another chapter! A lot longer than the last one, but yes it may seem a little confusing and hopefully it just becomes clearer as it goes along. Now time for replies! :D<strong>

**Turkey Bacon: Thank you! hopefully this makes you happy! :)**

**MyAwsomenessIsAwsome: Thank you for having so much faith in it! I hope I don't disapoint!**

**Jordi: Update is here! Ha a day after I posted the first chapter, thank you for reading!**

**Queen-Of-Twilights: Your wish is my command! Haha! update is here for you to enjoy :)**


	3. Forget

_"We'll Do It All, Everything On Our Own, We Don't Need Anything Or Anyone. If I Lay Here, If I Just Lay Here, Would You Lie With Me And Just Forget The World? Let's Waste Time Chasing Cars Around Our Heads."- Snow Patrol; Chasing Cars_

* * *

><p>"Shit like this happens in movies man, not to Silver." Quil let out a sigh, both him and Embry sharing a look before staring sadly at Jacob, who had his head in his hands.<p>

"You should have seen her face guys; she looked lost, like she didn't even know who she was let alone me."

His words came out muffled as he spoke, due to the fact that his hands covered his mouth, and he spoke brokenly, tiredly. Going months without proper sleep and patrolling had gotten to him considerably, but he was in no way leaving Silver's bedside unless it was for patrol. His creased white T-shirt had proved that itself, and the fact that his hair was growing out; getting a haircut was the least of his problems right now.

Jacob of course hadn't been the only one to be suffering, Silver was loved by the entire pack, seeing as she was apart of it, she'd bonded with everyone, and she had originally been close to Embry, Quil and Jake before hand anyway. All of the pack had been there at the hospital, at different times, they had been told to not over crowd her room just in case she woke.

Currently the three boys sat in the hospital's cafeteria, waiting on Silver to be done with an X-Ray for her head before they could see her, giving all three boys enough time to work out how they would spend their time trying to re-introduce themselves to Silver. Something they never thought they would have to do.

"So when she woke up, did she ask any questions to you?"

"Yeah, she asked what my favourite fucking colour was." Jacob's tone seethed with venom as he directed his sarcasm to Embry, who in turn flinched slightly at Jacob's reaction.

"What the fuck did you think she did Embry? She didn't even know my fucking name; Dr. Fang kicked me out of there as soon as she recalled her last memory! I haven't even had a chance to speak to her alone, get things straight, and fix things!"

"What's there to fix Jake? She doesn't remember anything that happened in the last four years, your apology for what you've put her through in the last six months wouldn't make any sense."

Quil's voice was calm and firm, fully prepared to take the brunt of Jacob's anger, but it was something he had needed to hear. They all knew Jacob had screwed up, it was the most obvious yet tension filled subject between the pact, no one wanting to put the blame for Silver's situation on Jacob's shoulders. Though they didn't need to, as Jacob had constantly beaten himself up about it, insisting that if it wasn't for him that Silver would never have gotten on that bus to get some time away from him in the first place.

"Jake, there's no way any of us could have known what would happen to Silver when she got on that bus, its just life being messed up, like it always is."

Jacob shook his head at Embry's statement, constantly repeating in his mind to control his temper, not somewhere public with many people, and certainly not in a hospital. Yet the hatred towards himself and the constant guilt he felt seemed to overwhelm him, especially with his wolf senses amplifying his feelings.

"No. I screwed up, and we all know it. I did things a wolf should never do to their imprint, and now I'll never get to set things right."

With a roll of Quil's eye he socked him around the head, pretty hard at that, earning a shocked face from Embry and one of bewilderment and anger from Jacob, scoffing at Jacob he spoke.

"You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself! So you fucked up, it's done now and you can't change that. Whether she knows it or not Silver needs you now, this _is _your chance to set things right, to start all over again with Silver from the beginning, she may never remember what happened and you need to consider that a blessing in disguise."

Jacob tried to protest, to think of ways to say how sick that was to manipulate Silver's memories, to hope that she didn't remember for his own benefit. Yet it still made sense to him, it almost felt appealing, to know that he could have a second chance with her, or some sort of hope that maybe they could still be happy despite everything that had happened.

"Hey, it's Jake right?"

He could recognise that voice from anywhere, making his heart skip a beat he whirled his head around to look at the figure of Silver, who sat in a wheel chair with a nurse behind her, dressed in a fresh set of polkadot pyjama's her mother had brought for her, and her unsure but friendly smile never faltered. Shooting up from his seat at the table he walked over to her, thanking the nurse for bringing her down her and taking hold of the handles, guiding her towards their table, he sat back down beside her, taking her hand and smiling to himself as she made no indication to let go.

She smiled at all three boys, shifting uncomfortably while her eyes darted between them all, looking to Jacob for help before he cleared his throat.

"Sorry uhm, these are your friends Quil and Embry."

She nodded and greeted them with smiles as they waved to her, not looking all too comfortable themselves.

"You know it's funny, I get this tingling sensation in my head that makes me think I'm familiar with you boys, but I just can't see anything, were we close?"

"Actually we were all best friends."

When seeing a small hint of horror take over her face at Embry's statement, Jacob squeezed her hand softly, letting her know that they held no resentment towards her not knowing who they were, and she looked down to their intertwined hands then, and the crease in her forehead made it look like that she were having some sort of inner conflict with herself. Running a lightly tanned hand through the longer part of her hair she removed the other from Jacob's grasp, refusing to make eye contact with him as they sat in silence, his heart sinking as she did so.

"So uhm, Jake? What's your full name?" She didn't look at him as she spoke, as if she were embarrassed to ask, like it was a silly question, and the rosy tint to her cheeks proved that.

"It's Jacob actually, Jacob Black."

"I guess I'm supposed to know that already."

She muttered it underneath her breath, seemingly annoyed with herself, not even knowing her supposedly best friends full name. The boys had all heard of course, but refrained from saying anything as they had to remind themselves she no longer knew they had heightened senses and hearing. Quil sat up straight in his seat, smiling brightly for Silver's sake and cleared his throat, he hated things being awkward with the four of them, there were rarely any times when their conversations came to a halt and all was silent, and he wasn't going to let something like Silver's memory loss stop it.

"So Silver, how's your head and things?"

She looked to him and smiled, thankful for the attempt at conversation, "its okay thank you, I'm getting the stitches taken out next month, and I'll be starting physiotherapy tomorrow for my back."

He nodded, and then proceeded to ask about her hair, telling her of the many times she would talk about how much she loved it and would never think of cutting it. She listened intently, smiling at the right times for when Embry or Quil would make an inside joke that she would have understood at one time, Jacob was the only one to notice that her smile didn't fully reach her eyes, that as hard as she tried he could still tell she fought back the urge to cry.

Ever so slowly so the boys wouldn't notice, Jacob went to grab her hand again under the table, but at a soft and slow pace as to not startle her, and watched her as she looked down at his hand for a long time, tuning out the other boys chatter as he guessed she was thinking whether it was a good idea or not to hold his hand. Without any indication to what her decision was, she looked up to Jacob, and stared into his eyes for what felt like the longest time, before looking back to the boys and slyly intertwining her fingers with Jacob's tightly.

* * *

><p><strong><em>6 Months Earlier...<em>**

"Okay okay, just one more time please?" I tried to hold back my soft laughter as I spoke, my head leaning on Jacob's shoulder as we both lay on my rooftop.

It was a relatively warm night, so I had the idea of getting Jake to come up with me to watch the stars, something I usually did on my own, but I felt like bringing Jake with me too to enjoy it.

"No. You'll just keep on laughing." I could hear the smile in his voice, as he pretending to act annoyed with me, craning my head to look up at his face I grinned toothily at him.

"It's only because you sound so … mesmerised when you say it, just once more, please!"

He sighed reluctantly, before looking up to the stars and smiling softly, I watched him as I snuggled deeper into his side, smelling the scent of pine tree's and the words in his navy shirt.

"Imprinting on someone is like when you see her, everything changes … all of a sudden it's not gravity holding you to the planet, it's her … nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her …"

I smiled fondly at him as the butterflies in my stomach soared, making my fingertips tingle and my heart beat speed up, and he looked back to me, sharing a knowing look before he kissed my hair.

"It's so great up here."

"Yeah, told you it was awesome, I come here whenever I need to think." He hummed in agreement, letting out a happy sigh before speaking again.

"When I next see Bella I'll totally bring her up here to see this .." Right there is when I tuned out his voice and let my stomach drop, pain coursing through my chest and head as I tried to block out the B word. Jake could actually go for hours just talking about Bella, and I actually let him, mostly because I saw how happy he looked when he did, and the other reason was because I couldn't bring myself to let him know how much it tore me up inside.

All he'd talk about was how painful it was to watch someone he loved, love someone else, and how nobody else would understand how that felt. The idiot really needed to open up his eyes if that's how he seriously thought, and I wasn't just talking about myself, about people like Leah too, who I couldn't bring myself to hate because when I looked into her eyes I truly saw just how painful it was to watch Sam and Emily together.

At the same time I couldn't bring myself to hate the concept of imprinting though, it still felt magical, although I did often think to myself if Jacob had gotten it wrong, if he had in fact imprinted on Bella, because he certainly didn't look at me the way he did with her. Maybe he hadn't imprinted on anyone, maybe because of the fact he constantly knew what it felt like because of Sam and Jared's thoughts that he tricked himself into thinking he did. That theory went out of the window when I realised that it was far from the truth, because I felt the connection I had with Jake, I felt the gravitation pull towards him, the need to be close to him, the pain of when he wasn't with me and the happiness of when he was.

But when he talked about Bella, or when he even looked at her it felt like a ton of bricks was being dropped on my heart, I just didn't understand, if he did imprint then he was supposed to look at me that way, instead he denied it, running after someone who was already taken.

"Silver …?" I turned back to Jake, looking at his sceptical face.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Never mind." He mumbled, and we lapsed into a comfortable silence, only speaking when one of us pointed out a shooting star, or when we thought a couple of stars made a picture, when I began to fall asleep in Jake's side, he had decided that was the moment we should retire for the night. He let me climb through my window first, as the porch's roof was located right under it, before he climbed in himself making sure to lock the window behind him.

I collapsed onto my bed, diving under the covers as Jake did so slowly, making next to no sound as he got in, and lifted his arm up for me to crawl to his side, and while I drifted off I still managed to ask Jake one more question.

"Jake?"

"Mhmm?" He mumbled sleepily, releasing a yawn for effect.

"If Sam and Emily have the imprint of lovers, and Quil and Claire have the imprint of protector … what does that make us?"

He was silent for a long time, to the point where I eventually gave up thinking he was going to reply, and almost closed my eyes until he answered, my eyes snapping open to listen intently.

"I guess we would have the imprint of best friends, and protector."

I don't think I had wanted to cry like that since my mother had left a long time ago, and swallowing the lump in my throat I attempted to smile through the darkness, just in case he was looking at me to see my reaction.

"Well that's a bit pointless, since we already were best friends." Jacob laughed lightly at that, his arm around me squeezing softly.

"Well then I guess it just makes sure that we'll be best friends forever."

"Again, I thought that was already set in stone." Damn, I really needed to get my acting skills up, or Jake would notice for sure sooner or later that I wasn't happy with this.

"Fine, for forever and more then."

I had to smile at that one, his attempt to make things look better for me where sweet; lifting my head up slightly to kiss his chin I buried my head in the crook of his neck, repeating the words he had just said before I fell asleep. Yeah, for forever and more.

* * *

><p><strong>I just love how good the feedback for this story is, that I had to update again! Three chapters within three days! I'm so proud! :D<strong>

**Now just in case updates get slower, I'm giving you a heads up ... because it is rather difficult to write this! **

**Replies:**

**Jordi: Thank you for reviewing once again, you're awesome! **

**Ariel Oceans: thank you for loving it! I hope I keep you happy with the chapters to come!**

**Giannaa: Thank you so much, it honestly makes me happy knowing you think that! Btw I've started reading your fic on my phone, because my internets been acting up on my laptop ... actually I'm surprised it just about managed to let me update on here! But I'll leave you a review as soon as I can! :) **


	4. Smiles

_"There I Was Again Tonight Forcing Laughter, Faking Smiles, Same Old Tired Place, Lonely Place. Walls Of Insincerity, Shifting Eyes and Vacancy Vanished When I Saw Your Face. This Night Is Sparkling, Don't Let It Go, I'll Spend Forever Wondering If You Knew I Was Enchanted To Meet You." - Taylor Swift; Enchanted_

* * *

><p>Wearing this back brace while I walked around has got to be one of the most stressful things I have done, unless I had done worse in the last four years, which is sort of irrelevant to my inner monologue since I can't remember. Okay, so I was rather anxious and snappy, for multiple reasons, the back brace being one, I was waddling around in my room like that beautiful doctor instructed to get myself used to walking outside of physiotherapy. Only I didn't realise how painful it would be, it always felt like it was bruised horribly, to the point where I burst out crying in one of my sessions, eventually getting painkillers was like a gift from god.<p>

The back brace I was told to used, was clipped together around my front, and apparently helped support my once broken back as I was meant to get used to walking again. Jacob had told me that in the last year or so that I had taken to going for long jogs regularly, apparently I found it refreshing and helped me blow off steam, which he shifted uncomfortably to and averted my eyes when I asked for examples, mumbling that he was directed not to.

Which brought me to reason number two, Jacob was no where in sight, and for reasons I have no idea on I craved his presence. It scared me to no end, I was so dependent him, he took me everywhere, and was always the last one to leave the hospital, and I had no idea who he was. On some level I felt flattered that he was always there for me, and I always got the most ridiculous feeling inside me when he would smile, which was absolutely stupid. You can't think that way about someone when you don't even know their favourite colour, and I know that Doctor Cullen said that my memories of him and my family would gradually return, and then maybe I would have some idea of what it was like with him, but so far nothing came into my head.

So here I was, walking up and down my room, arms extended and in my apparently new pink and white checkered pyjamas, as I attempted to speed up the process of my back healing so I could eventually stop using the stupid brace. I hated looking at the same four white walls every single day and walking down the same white hallways, the place was lifeless, dead, and I guess in a way it was suitable for a hospital, but it didn't make the place feel any less dull. I kept telling myself that I only had one more month her, one more month and I could go home, a new home according to my dad, who had also taken his time to break to me that he and my mother were divorced, but refused to explain why, saying that when I was meant to know I would.

The soft knock on the door snapped me out of my daze, and I stopped in my tracks to turn towards it, "come in."

I secretly hoped that it was a certain russet skin coloured giant who was standing on the other side, and when the door slowly opened it turn out it was, only not the giant I was expecting. A woman stood there, tall just as much as Jacob, Embry and Quil were, and from what I could see through her white tank she seemed to be well toned too. She was extremely beautiful, her darkly tanned face had a defined and perfect bone structure, one that would make any other girl jealous, and her midnight black her was cut just past her chin, framing her face perfectly.

She smiled at me hesitantly, and I gave an awkward one back, adding a sort of wave to it, and we stood there in silence for a few seconds before I finally found something to say.

"Can I help you with something? Or do I know you?" I tried to sound friendly, and held my smile just in case I gave off another impression.

She let out a little laugh, shaking her head a little before walking closer into the room and enveloping me in a hug, which took me completely off guard. I stood there like a complete idiot as she embraced me, only slightly patting her back until she let go; I guess I did know her after all.

"Jake definitely wasn't messing then, you can't remember anything."

A flicker of recognition crossed my face as she mentioned Jacob, and I waited for her to continue talking.

"Well I never thought I'd be doing this again but umm, my names Leah … Leah Clearwater. We were friends before your accident."

I nodded, smiling at her and motioning to the seat by my bed, "I think Jacob mentioned your name once, but uhh it's nice to meet you ... and you already know my name."

Another awkward silence took over, and it was extremely cringe worthy, Leah sat in the chair looking towards the floor, while I suddenly found the wall behind her the most intriguing thing in the room, she let out a sigh and looked at me, smiling apologetically.

"Sorry, it's just hard to come to terms with … seeing you like this, after everything."

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion as I took in what she said, which didn't make no sense at all. In fact a lot of people who visited me did that, give me some pity look which I knew wasn't for the fact that I was in a hospital bed, it was definitely because something had gone down before I got on that bus to Seattle. Which was something everyone refused to tell me on why exactly I got on it in the first place, besides the excuse of going to see my mother, there was something deeper behind it, and it was all clear in the painful wince that Jacob had every time I asked.

"It's okay," I shrugged, taking a seat on the edge of my bed opposite her, rather uncomfortably I might add thanks to the back brace, "if it helps my doctor said that my memories will eventually come back, but until then I just have to be patient."

"Sorry for not coming to see you before … well I did many times but you were, you know … in a coma … and when you woke up Jake said that you had to be introduced to us slowly, to not overwhelm you."

I shook my head at her and waved it off, not at all offended, "Don't worry about it, I'm thankful you came to see me at all, the only other person that comes here other than my parents is Jacob… and sometimes Quil and Embry, so it's nice to see a new face."

Leah nodded and smiled softly, leaning back in her chair taking a deep breath, "everyone back on the rez misses you, and they're all hoping to come and see you soon … but I'll tell them to come in groups 'cause I don't wanna traumatise you with a room full of people that you have no clue on who they are."

She let out a little laugh to herself then, and we fell into a general conversation, me asking about who was who back at the reservation and how close she and I used to be, it turned out I was one of the few she liked, saying that I pestered her until she gave in. I loved the way she seemed to relax so easily, as if I didn't lose my memory and knew exactly who she was, it was nice. She didn't treat me like a piece of glass that was about to break, or that one slip up would mean a mental break down for me, and I already noted in my mind that Leah was my new favourite person … next to Jacob.

I definitely got lost in conversation with Leah; because when I looked at the clock on my bedside draw it was nearing two o'clock, and the last time I had looked at it was at eleven.

The second knock of the day sounded on Silver's door, and still laughing at a joke Leah had made I welcomed who ever was on the other side in, my smile widening uncontrollably as I saw Jacob's huge frame open the door and close it behind him, smiling beautifully at me in return as he walked towards me.

"I brought you some clothes." He rested a large black duffel bag at the foot of my bed, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, which I unintentionally leaned away from.

Holding hands was strange enough when it came to Jacob, and even though I couldn't deny any longer that he and I shared a strong attachment, which was proved every time my chest felt empty when he left, I still felt like things as intimate as that would need to take time. Although I had been told countless times by my father and Jacob that we were indeed _very_ close best friends, I knew that there must have been much more to it, and I needed time to adjust to that and to decipher what I was feeling towards him, because it was extremely confusing.

It killed me to see the pained expression that crossed his face, I even almost reached out to grab his hand, but realized that that would just confuse him more.

"Sorry," I muttered quietly, looking to the floor "it's just ... you know."

He shook his head and interrupted me, his eyes apologetic and filled with such intensity towards me, "no, I'm the one that's sorry, you're not comfortable … it's okay."

I took a deep breath and smiled at him, receiving one in return, but it fell back off quickly as a glare took over his face, seeming to only just notice Leah was in the room, and his jaw clenched visibly. Something I had to force myself to stop looking at, because I seemed to find something so attractive about it.

"What are doing here Leah?" His tone was hard and cold, and my eyebrows knitted in confusion as to why he would behave so hostile to someone, it was something I had never seen before, apart from when he spoke to Doctor Cullen after I first woke up.

"Nice to see you too Black." Leah sneered as if Jacob was an insect, standing up to reach his height in an almost challenging way, from what Leah had told me I gathered that she wasn't very friendly towards other people but it still alarmed me.

It was as if they both forgot I was there, and had some sort of staring contest, both aiming a very venomous and intimidating glare at each other, and I laughed nervously as I tried to think of something to ease the tension, and slowly moved in between them to look up at Jacob.

"Leah re-introduced herself to me today … she said I was one of the few people she liked."

It was intended as a joke, only Jacob used it as ammo to throw an insult at her, "yeah, 'cause you were too nice to hate the bitch."

Leah scoffed, shooting back a just as snide remark as his, "of course she was too nice, she took all the damage you done to her didn't she?"

A very, very, _very_ painful silence touched the hair then, and I looked to both Jacob and Leah, confused on what her remark meant, and why it got to Jacob so much. He began trembling, and I watched his teeth clench as his eyes shut tightly, he looked so angry, so furious, it scared me, I backed away slightly, bumping into Leah, who stood there watching him with a cold expression.

"Get out Leah." His voice sounded strained, and he constantly took deep breaths to calm himself, I just didn't understand why he was getting so angry.

Leah snorted, not the least bit affected by Jacob's behaviour, "I was leaving anyway," she looked at me for the first time and he gaze softened, looking to me apologetically before resting a hand on my shoulder, "I'll see you soon Silver, it was good seeing you."

She didn't even give me a chance to reply as she left the room, making sure the door slammed behind her, I turned to Jacob, his eyes still closed and his breath now even, the shaking had stopped. I stayed in my position a little away from him, a little afraid of approaching him, it had only just hit me how little I actually knew about him, and how safe and comfortable I felt when he had a side like this to him.

"Jacob … what did she mean?"

My voice seemed to snap him out of his daze, his eyes flying open and he turned to look at me, his lips pursed and he turned away, looking to the floor.

"Nothing, she meant nothing." He mumbled it, still sounding slightly angry. I let out a huff, and went to sit back on my bed, I was sick of people hiding things from me, afraid that telling me things I deserved to know would upset me, they were after all my memories too, I had a right to have my questions answered, especially if people wanted me to start remembering.

I began to undo the small buckles that clipped my back brace together, wincing slightly as I felt the pain of my back no longer feeling supported as it came off, yet at the same time it felt relieving, to not feel encased in that stupid thing anymore. A small yelp of pain left my lips as I felt a painful jolt in my back, making me jump a little and wince once more in pain at my quick movement, apparently that was my back muscles beginning to spasm, which is what Doctor Cullen told me would happen since I got a few of those torn in the accident too. The joys of being in a freeway pile up.

As if on alert Jacob snapped his head to me, forgetting that moments earlier he looked like he was about to practically explode, and got to me within two strides, which is not surprising considering his six foot frame and long legs. He reached his hands out slightly, but retracted just as fast as he looked to me worriedly.

"Are you okay? Is it your back? Want me to get someone?"

"I'm fine!" I snapped, not making eye contact as both my hands rubbed my back softly, staring at the wall opposite as I attempted to block out the uncontrollable pain that was searing through my back.

Jacob's large warm hand slowly but softly found its way to the small of my back, going under my shirt to softly rub it, using his thumb to massage it slowly in the right places. Instantly I felt terrible for snapping at him, and looked to the floor ashamedly, he always did nothing but try his absolute hardest to make sure I was happy, and here I was just rejecting any form of affection he attempted to give.

"Sorry" I whispered, still avoiding eye contact, and his other hand came down to rest on my knee, squeezing it slightly in assurance.

"It's okay," His body inched closer to mine, and I tugged on his shirt to make him sit on the bed with me, craving his warmth, which was unbelievably selfish of me.

I didn't turn away this time as he buried his face into the longer part of my hair, giving me the softest peck on the cheek, letting some sort of spark go off in my heart and speeding up its pace. Leaning my head on his shoulder I sighed, "I don't deserve you Jacob."

A long silence took over us as he let my words sink in, not that I really expected a reply, it was just a statement I felt like making, a statement that was so extremely true, and I wished I remembered him and me before my accident, so I could know just what I did to become lucky enough to have him.

Jacob rested his chin on my head, breathing softly until he spoke, "you have no idea how wrong you are Silver."

* * *

><p><em><strong>8 Months Earlier...<strong>_

It was a fairly cold evening, and wrapping Jake's hoody around me tighter I walked further out onto the back porch, silently and hesitantly I lowered myself to sit on the steps beside the silent woman. Her short black hair was tight bad into a small low pony, and her stiff posture definitely indicated that she was in a sour mood, not that she was ever in a good one to begin with.

Leah turned to see who had disturbed her peace; a glare etched onto her face, but let it drop slightly as she realized it was me, turning her head back to look ahead of her she silently stared out to the woods in the back garden. It was a typical evening at Emily's, her in the kitchen obsessively cooking as always, with a few of the pack -boys in the living room on the X-Box, and little Claire sitting in the corner filling up a colouring book as she patiently awaited Quil's return.

Me, well I wasn't sure what my place was here, besides the obvious fact of being Jake's imprint, he definitely didn't make me feel like one, it was the opposite actually, and today before patrol he had put me in a sour mood, only telling me to stay so we could talk it over when he got back.

I felt a jolt of pain spasm through my chest as I thought of the reason why we argued; Bella Swan. The perfect fucking girl according to Jake, who he just couldn't seem to let go of, and it was killing me. I blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill, shoving my face into my hands, as my arms were propped up onto my elbows, I heard Leah sigh irritated before she spoke.

"What's wrong?" Her voice sounded patronising in a way, almost as if she were only asking to get rid of me, but I had known Leah long enough to know she did on some degree care.

"Does it get easier?" I mumbled, my voice slightly muffled since my face was covered, I didn't look up to see her reaction, she probably looked like she wished she never asked now, Leah was a good friend, but she had her limits, especially when it came to talks about imprints.

"Silver, I think Emily's the person to ask this … she's the one who deals with waiting for Sam when he goes on patrol."

I shook my head, lifting it up to wipe the single tear that had slid down my face, and smiled sadly at her, "no, not that … I meant dealing with watching him love someone else, does it get easier?"

I didn't really have any right to ask Leah something as painful as that, and I felt terrible when seeing her face go completely white, nobody brought it up to her, ever. I know that it was selfish but I needed something from someone, someone who knew, someone who could understand, and Leah was that person.

And whenever I visibly broke down about this she was there, because she understood, and she put her aside her hatred for imprints and imprintee's when she did, and I couldn't be more thankful for having a friend like Leah. Regardless of how cold and harsh she could be at times.

She was silent for so long, just staring at me with a blank expression, and I instantly knew that she was reliving her memories with Sam, and right about now is where I wished I just kept my mouth shut. A distant howl in the forest echoed out, and merely seconds later a few of the boys were out of the back door and heading towards the forest with their shirts off, there was clearly trouble ahead.

Leah stood, slowly walking towards the forest, and although I was angry with him I silently prayed that Jake was alright, five metre's into her walk and Leah turned around, a ghost of a smile on her face.

"Just remember Silver … if its ten weeks or ten years from now, you and Jacob are destined to be together, its fate."

And just like that she was gone, leaving me to look into the darkness of where her figure once was, replaying what she had said to me.

* * *

><p><strong>I am honestly, from the bottom of my heart, SOOO sorry that is soo late! I didn't expect to be off of fanfiction for so long but school is insane! I will really try to update as frequently as possible! ALSO ... even though I don't deserve to ask ... reviews would be really good! because I'm sort of slacking in that area, so please write a little something! It makes me so happy when you do!<strong>

**Replies:**

**Giannaa- You're welcome! and thank you for thinking I rock I hope you liked this one! I wanted to show some relationships out of Silver's little bubble with Jacob and Leah seemed to fit so perfectly!**

**PhyscoPenguan64- I'm sorry it made you feel so sad :( But at the same time it's my aim with this story, not really a fairytale. I know! He is, but I think Jacob is just in extreme denial because he knows he can never fully have Bella, and with him hating the idea of Imprinting so much I didn't think he would accept it anyway. You may just be right, we'll have to wait and see for that! ;)**

**Gummy'fish'lover- Ha! FF can be a bit of a bitch when I'm on it on my phone! And more is here! Enjoy :)**

**crawfish4- Boys have always been stupid eh? They can never really see whats right in front of them, or they never usually want to! Either way they're annoying ¬_¬ and thank you! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Jordi- Thank you :D I hope you like my update and whats to come! :)**


	5. Tears

_"I Stare At My Reflection In The Mirror, Why Am I Doing This To Myself? Don't Lose Who You Are, In The Blur Of The Stars, Seeing Is Decieving Dream Is Believing. It's Okay Not To Be Okay, Sometimes It's Hard To Follow Your Heart, Tears Don't Mean Your Losing Everybody's Brusing. Just Be True To Who You Are." - Jessie J; Who You Are_

* * *

><p>"Jacob, this isn't necessary." He grunted and carried on as if I had said nothing, my father held open the front door for him amusedly as Jacob carried me into my home. One arm supported my back as the other was hooked under my knees, and although I loved the attention he gave me, I wasn't a child.<p>

I was finally allowed to come home, well what I remember of it, which was completely different looking to the one I was being carried into now, this one was smaller, not really for a family. I guess if fit perfectly then since my mother now lived in Seattle instead of La Push, which I had yet to find out on why.

Jacob being the overly paranoid person I had come to know, was adamant in believing I didn't over exert myself, saying that just because I had been let out of the hospital, it didn't mean I was completely better, and still had to wear this ridiculous back brace. Well maybe not so ridiculous, seeing as it helped a whole lot with the pain I felt in my back every minute of the day. Back to my original point, apparently walking from the car and up the porch steps was over exerting my self, I felt smothered by Jacob, and yet I couldn't bring myself to tell him to stop. Damn, I'm indecisive.

"I'm not paralysed you fool!" I snapped, only earning a bark of laughter from both my father and Jacob, both sharing a knowing look and I heard my mother sigh behind us as she closed the door.

Finally putting me down to stand in the hallway, I took in my surroundings, the house looked just as small as it did from the outside, there was a narrow hallway that led to a flight of stairs, and to my left I saw a small kitchen, one that had a door leading out to back yard and a small dining table with four chairs. To my right was a small living room, containing one large couch and another armchair, I had the sneaking suspicion that the large couch may have been used if Jacob had ever slept over, it looked worn out.

I had hoped that coming here and seeing all this would spark some sort of memory off in my head, anything that would at least make it feel familiar, make it feel like a home. In fact I was counting on it, sure of it, just like when I had first met Embry and Quil, I had felt _something_ that helped me think I knew them, and with Jacob it was more than a spark, it felt like magic when I saw him, I instantly knew I wanted to be near him, that I wholly and completely trusted him without even knowing who he was.

My shoulders sagged slightly and the annoyed look I once held for being carried in dropped of my face, I felt nothing, numb in fact. How can someone walk into a home and not feel the least bit safe? I guess being in the hospital for so long didn't set me up for when I would eventually feel like this, even that boring white room made me feel more comfortable than this place did.

Nobody seemed to notice my now depressed mood, and took my silence as indication go about the house doing normal things, my mother darted into the kitchen, looking just as lost as I did with the contents of the house, and I questioned on whether she had actually been here before, making me think that maybe we hadn't been in contact with her for a while. My father took to grabbing my bags full of clothing and carried on upstairs, most likely putting them in my bedroom, to which I had no idea on where it was, allowing another streak of depression to fill my chest.

The deep and soothing voice I heard beside my ear, only made me feel more depressed, which was a change since all it did was usually give me a swarm of butterfly explosions in my stomach. Jacobs warm hand rested on the small of back, very delicately as to not cause me any discomfort, he sounded so happy, so relieved almost that I was here, like he thought things would go back to normal or something, but I didn't understand how anything could go back to normal after everything that had occurred since my accident.

"Come on, I'll show you your room." I didn't respond as I silently followed Jacob up the stairs, my small hand encased in his own one, I didn't even know why he did all this, whatever he and I had, he had it with the old me, not with this girl who I was still trying to figure out, one he didn't even know.

I didn't even know if my dad was still a cop, I hadn't even bothered to ask, because I thought everything was still the same, as I was when I was fourteen. That's how you know I was still in the mindset of a fourteen year old, because I was fucking stupid, and ignorant. I didn't even bother to ask my own mother how she took their divorce, because again in my mind they were still together, regardless of them already telling me. I didn't let myself notice the tense atmosphere between them when they were both in the room, the bitterness in my fathers eyes which he tried very hard to hide, or the uncomfortable fidgeting my mother would do when he looked at her.

I always said how I didn't know who Jacob was, and yet I wasn't looking at the bigger picture, I wasn't looking at who _I _was, or my parents, I didn't know my home, what I was learning in school, I didn't even realise I had missed my seventeenth birthday while being in a fucking coma. I didn't know anything, and it had taken me almost two months within waking up to realize, and when it hit me, it felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me.

The panic of whether I would ever remember who I was set in, making my thoughts speed through my head at a hundred miles an hour, I was terrified of everything. I was terrified of never being able to give Jacob what he wanted, I was terrified that I would never been the same daughter for my parents as I once was, and most of all, I was terrified that I would have to start all over again on learning and becoming my own person. Things that every girl done in their early years of teen, and I had the curse of doing it twice.

Was I a bitch? Was I sarcastic? Did I have a lot of friends? Was I liked by people? Was I ever in love? Was I a quite person? Did I still talk to that girl I met in homeroom on my first day at school in my last memory? Was I good at anything in particular? Just who was Silver Kwaiya?

I wanted- no. I _needed_ answers, just so I wouldn't drive myself into insanity, so I could at least have so sort of peace of mind and a small idea on what I once was. I couldn't wait for bits of it to all come back to me; I couldn't sit around and act like normal when I didn't know what normal was. I needed someone to tell me who I was, tell me everything about me without leaving things out and feeling uncomfortable when I asked certain things. I needed to know just what was going through my mind when I randomly got on a bus to Seattle, I needed to know just how bad things were here for me if I felt like I needed to get away from it all, I needed closure.

I stared at the light purple walls in my room blankly, only looking at the window to the left of the double bed for a brief moment before my eyes wandered to the ceilings. I didn't even know who half those bands or actors who were stuck on the walls were, I didn't know who any of the people were in the photo frames on the shelves as I looked through them, I didn't feel any sense of warmth as I sat on the soft bed and tried to force my head into remembering something.

The floor boards creaked under Jacobs footing as he walked around the bed from the doorway to sit beside me, the bed sinking as he did so, and the warmth of his body suffocating me, but at the same time gave me some sort of feelings.

I hadn't realize a tear had rolled down my cheek until I felt Jacobs warm hand wipe it away, his hand lingering there and turning my face to look him in the eye, his eyes said so much more than words ever could. He understood without even asking anything, it felt as if he were synchronized with me, that he felt what I felt and vice versa. His dark brown orbs were so soft and sympathetic and held so much care that I kept asking myself why I deserved him.

"I- I don't know who I am."

He enveloped me in his arms tightly as I let the sobs take over, the tears spilling from my eyes like a fountain for the first time since I woke up, and I took in the sanctuary of Jacob's arms for all it was worth. Not wanting to let it leave me out of the fear that I would truly feel lost, because with him I at least felt like I was apart of something, apart of him, no matter how crazy it sounded.

I never noticed my parents stop to stand at the doorway to cast worried and distraught glances towards me, nor did I feel the shake of Jacob's head as a silent request to leave me be with him. Not that I would have complained, I didn't want to be smothered by a load of people, I just wanted to feel a piece of me come back, and with Jacob I some how felt that way, always.

My head hurt more than ever and my chest felt like it would explode with the raking sobs that passed through them, yet I had never felt so relieved to finally have a release, to be allowed to break down and let everything out. Eventually however the sobs stopped, and the tears had calmed down, leaving me only to whimper softly in Jacob's arms until I eventually stopped, breathing in his soft scent of pinewood and leaves, seeming to relax and refresh me.

He kissed my forehead, wiping away the remaining tears of my face before looking at me, giving me the softest smile that made me heart melt into a pool of liquid, "better?"

I nodded, burying my head back into the crook of his neck, not yet ready to leave the safety of his arms yet, and he complied. Wrapping his arms even more tightly around me, but making sure he was gentle enough to not hurt me, as if he were afraid that I would break so easily under his touch, like a piece of glass. He didn't offer any words of comfort, or words of encouragement that I would remember, that I would eventually know who I am, and I know he didn't because he wasn't sure himself if it would happen. He was just as scared as I was that I would have to start from scratch with my life and him, altering our friendship and what it used to be, changing it forever.

Although there wasn't any words to make me feel comfortable, nothing soothing to come out of his beautiful lips to make me feel assured, I still felt all of those things with him just being there, holding me like I was about to disappear, and I clinged onto him just as much, afraid that the only thing I felt familiar with would leave me. I don't know how long we sat like that, but it must have been a long time, because it soon began to get dark outside, and I was comfortable and warm enough to slowly fall asleep in his arms, praying to god that he would still be there when I woke up.

* * *

><p><strong><em>6 Months Earlier...<em>**

A week since I had seen that idiot, a week since we had blown up into an argument and I hadn't had the chance to even take in his scent, his scent that I loved and knew so well. I anxiously sat on the counter of Emily's kitchen, watching her cook obsessively and hum softly as she herself waited for her love to return, I was silently jealous of everything Emily had. Albeit she had scars to remember of a time so bad for her, it didn't take away her intense beauty and still very warm heart, and her complete reciprocated adoration for Sam, not to mention she had something to replace the fear and anxiety she felt every time he disappeared into the woods.

The vampire trouble they assumed was small had escalated into them hunting her down for days, and apparently she was not to be underestimated, I felt a surge of bitterness pass through me as I thought of why Jake was so determined to catch her. Bella. It was always about that fucking idiot, always the fucking damsel in distress, if she didn't have her perfect looking vampires running around for her it was Jake, and she didn't even have the right to make him do that.

The harsher part of me wished that she would have just disappeared that day she supposedly jumped off the cliff, saved everyone a whole lot of trouble, and pain. I couldn't stand her, I couldn't stand the innocent and selfless personality she had, and I couldn't stand it even more at the fact that Jake couldn't even see that she completely put it on. I could feel how smug she was about Jake every time she came here, acting as if she were family, giving me that same look every time Jake stood near her protectively and would give me a warning glance.

I was sick of it, sick of being put second, I was here first. I was the best friend that had been attached to him since we were fourteen, I was the one he imprinted on after he changed, so it was supposed to be easy, it was supposed to feel great like it was for Jared and Kim who had never had to face a bumpy rock in their entire love filled bubble.

These thoughts right here, are exactly what caused Jake and I to not be on speaking terms, my outburst about Bella had caused a reaction I had never expect to see from him, he looked at me with his eyes full of hatred, something that I was terrified of, causing him to scream to the top of his lungs about me not knowing anything about Bella, that he loved her no matter what happened, and as his friend I'm supposed to be happy for him.

I tried, I honestly did, but it hurt so much to see him with her, and he knew it did. I knew that boy better than anyone else on this planet, but I just couldn't understand why he said nothing, why he acted as if our imprint only meant friends. He could have done worse, he could have imprinted on someone who he had never met before, who could know nothing about him. Instead he got me, and still acted as if it were the worst possible scenario he could ever have for an imprint, he couldn't hate it that much.

I couldn't bring myself to ever be mad at him though, all I had to do was look at him and my resolve would completely break down, and right now all I wanted was to hold him and tell him how sorry I was. The anxiety I felt every time I watched run into those woods would kill me, it would eat me up every single day I spent here at Emily's, and it was just as worse when I would have to go through a day without him at school, Kim and I sitting silently at the lunch table thinking in our own worlds. There were nights were I couldn't even sleep, just hoping that I would eventually hear that tap on the window, letting me know he was here and safe and ready to hold me while I slept, sometimes that did happen, other times I would wait for what felt like forever.

I was praying that today would be the day, that today I wouldn't have to go home again alone, ready to come back tomorrow to wait some more and to smell Emily's freshly baked muffins that I knew were just going to waste. Speaking of that, I took in the smell of another set of muffins that had just come out of the oven, Emily putting it on the table with her cute oven gloves, smiling happily as she looked at her new masterpiece, and my mouth began to water hungrily at the sight.

As if on cue my stomach rumbled loudly, and Claire came bounding into the kitchen happily holding her colouring book in one small hand, pushing herself up into one of the chairs waiting for her own. Kim followed after her, a soft small smile on her pink lips, looking to me for a brief moment, she looked extremely tired, not that I blamed her, she probably got even less sleep than I did. The dark circles under her brown eyes were proof of that, and her usually tanned skin was a bit pale, I never understood why people called Kim plain looking, I had always found her beautiful myself, yes it may not be the beautiful that people so obviously saw now days in women, but she has such a uniqueness about her, just like Emily.

I hopped off the counter myself as I went to sit in between Kim and Claire, quietly thanking Emily, I winced at my own voice, it sounded so hollow and robotic, like it was a routine. If anyone picked up on it they didn't say anything, too wrapped up in their own deep monologue's as they thought of their own imprints, except for Claire of course. She was as happy and as joyous as any toddler could be, and she was always the ray of sunshine we had when it came to empty and silencing days like this, I ruffled her hair softly as she sang a nursery rhyme, chewing happily at her muffin.

Then it happened. So quickly, but at the same time it felt like it happened in slow motion too. The screen door of Emily's kitchen burst open, allowing a soft cold breeze to come through, and with it came the loud happy booming voices of every single pack member, all looking extremely proud of themselves, yet at the same time extremely tired. Sam was first, his hard eyes going to connect with Emily's, softening like a child's before he quickly strode over to her and enveloped her in a tight embrace. The next was Jared, who wasn't as subtle, practically shouting out Kim's name over the commotion of the boys diving for the muffins and chewing hungrily, she jumped into his arms, showing no indication of embarrassment over her outburst, not that she should, he was after all the love of her life.

Little Claire squealed happily to Quil, her short brown pig tails bouncing up and down as she stood on her chair, arms outstretched for Quil to lift her up into his arms. I got out of my chair quickly, allowing Embry to take my place, seeing as he deserved it, he patted my back thankfully and gave me a meaningful look before his eyes lightened up at the tray of muffins.

I looked over the sea of tall boys and to Leah, who sat on the counter purposefully ignoring Seth's chatter, looking to me briefly and smiling, before nodding her head towards the door way, quickly returning to snapping at Seth. Instantly my head darted in that direction, to lock eyes with Jake who was already looking at me, he looked more tired than I had ever seen him before. His hair was disheveled and messy, and his eyes looked as if they were about to close any second, and I had never seen Jake be too tired to eat before, whatever that vampire had done, she had done it very well to wear him out.

I couldn't even tell what he was thinking as he strove over to me, ignoring the boys he pushed out of the way, almost as if he couldn't process who they were, and I in turn did the same, tuning out the loud laughter and talks of how far they had chased the red headed vamp until they knew she wouldn't return for a while. He towered over me, in nothing but his cut offs, and at a time like this I mentally slapped myself for even thinking about drooling over his torso. My small head almost reached his shoulders, I felt as if he could lift me up like a child, resembling what Quil looked like when he would pick up Claire. I ran a hand through my knotted brown hair, looking absolutely terrible in its curly mess, a bird's nest if you would like to call it that, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

He studied me for a while, taking a couple of seconds to look at my attire, which consisted of his hoody and pair of worn out skinny jeans, yes, the epitome of attractive. His forehead creased for a while, seeming to have some sort of inner monologue before his arms stretched out and pulled me into him, lifting my feet off the ground before for a moment before placing me back down. My short arms wrapped themselves around his waist, burying my head into his chest and taking in the scent I had craved for so long, reveling in the feeling of his hot skin. I felt his head bury itself into my hair, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck for a second.

I silently acknowledged that the pack had now silenced, and were most likely openly staring at out public display of affection for one another, but I couldn't find it in myself to care at all. I had Jake here, in my arms and as real as ever, and I couldn't have been happier at that moment.

"I'm sorry Jake," I whispered quietly, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill over, not that there was much point in whispering seeing as the entire pack had heightened senses.

I felt him shake his head in the crook of my neck, whispering his apology back to me just as quietly, "No I'm the one that's sorry, I was out of line and you're my best friend, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

I decided to ignore the pain I usually felt with when he called me'best friend', and decided to think about the fact that I had him back for now, that he was apologising for reacting in a way any normal person would have, it should have been me saying those words, yet I didn't. I was too afraid that if I said anything else that I would crack, and break down into tears, something I hated to do in front of everyone, I already showed them enough times how weak I was when it came to Jake.

"You reacted a way I can't blame you for, you were being protective and even though it didn't come out the way you meant it too, I still know you mean well Silver … because that's who you are."

I nodded, not knowing what else I could do, and I didn't want to remove myself from his chest just in case I would look into his eyes and burst out with something that would send him running, like a declaration of love. I heard him breathe in deeply from where he had his face buried, as if he were taking in my scent and carving it into his mind to remember for the next time we spent so long apart.

"I missed you _so_ much."

The way he had said it had made my heart stop, and is if a big weight had been lifted on my chest, it soared at the loving tone to his voice, the longing I could hear through it. The butterflies in my stomach made me feel weak in the knees, and if Jake wasn't holding onto me so tightly I may have just collapse then and there in Emily's kitchen floor. At least for now, everything would be alright.

* * *

><p><strong>Replies:<strong>

**Wolfhappiness- Glad you enjoyed it! Hope you liked this one just as much! :)**

**Gabriellalovesjake- I'll try and finish this as soon as I can, just so you can have the entire thing and enjoy it :)**

**h-e-d-w-i-g77- Thank you! It brings me complete and utter joy for you to think my writings so good! :) *blushes* And I'm so glad this story has touched you in some way!**

**Crawfish4- Thank you! And yes they are, I don't really like reading OC stories where they completely take the Bella/Jacob thing out because it was a very big part of the story. So I kept the fact that was in love with her to make things more complicated too, it's sort of a love square, yes well all in good time she will know things ;). Hope you enjoy this chapter!**


	6. Never

_" If I'm Not The Best Then You're Stuck, I Ended Up With Wounds To Bind Like You're Pouring Salt In My Cuts. I Just Ran Out Of Band-Aids, I Don't Even Know Where To Start, 'Cause You Can't Bandage The Damage .. You Never Really Can Fix A Heart." - Demi Lovato; Fix A Heart_

* * *

><p>I waved my father off as I stepped up the porch with chipping white paint; he returned it with a tired smile and reversed in his cop car, driving back down the mud filled road to most likely head to work. I ran a hand through my now fully short hair, thanks to my left side only reaching to my ear, I had to get the other side cut just as shortly, but added quite a long side bang to it to keep it funky. At first I completely balled my eyes out at the hair dresses when I realised how horrible it now looked, but my mother and the hairdresser had insisted I looked great, which was hard to believe.<p>

Crying all the way home in the car my mother gushed about how I looked like some girl off a random TV show called '90210', which itself sounded ridiculous, it wasn't until she made me watch it that I noticed the girls hair, and the girls name just _happened_ to be Silver. How ironic. Just because some random overly beautiful girl off a TV show about rich high school kids could pull it off, didn't mean that I could, so I decided that I would continue to be moody about it.

I hadn't seen Jacob since my hair cut, which had made me overly nervous about whether he would like it, and I was hoping he did. Not that I understood why, it wasn't as if we were anything like that, in fact it wasn't as if we were anything at all, the term 'friend' seemed very lose to me when I used it with Jacob. Not because I didn't want him to be, but because I didn't actually know anything about him, when we were together, which was for almost 24 hours a day, he would be concentrating on me, asking me if I was okay, carrying me everywhere, talking about how I needed to slow down on things, not that he even gave me a chance to speed up. As much as I liked it, I wanted to know him; I wanted to know Jacob Black, and just why he was so amazing patient with me.

Which is why I was here, standing outside his adorable little red house, huffing softly as I felt no spark of familiarity about the place. A small set of photo albums was carried in my left arm, pulling on my black jacket and shuffling my feet around nervously I eventually knocked on the door. Rocking back and forth in my Vans as I waited patiently on the porch, shivering slightly as the cold wind picked up, I really should have put more layers on other than a white polo shirt, and looking up to the greying skies I could tell we were going to have some rain, not that I could expect any less in La Push. I felt a soft spit of rain touch my tanned face, and I closed my eyes and leaned my head up towards the sky, allowing a few more drops to fall on me, it felt as if I hadn't felt rain fall in so long, and just smelling it was refreshing.

I snapped my head back to the door when it was opened, and I was greeted by the sight of a much older version of Jacob, I looked down to the man in the wheel chair, an aged sympathetic smile adorned his face as he realized who was at the door, his long black hair was in a loose pony tail that hung over his shoulder, and his dark brown eyes seemed to almost be as captivating as Jacob's, _almost_.

"Silver, it's been so long."

I awkwardly smiled at him, not really knowing what to say, the only other thing I could say was my name, but he already knew that, so I waited patiently for him to invite me in. Which he did rather quickly, seeming to be embarrassed for his staring, and did a sort of reverse in his chair before motioning me to come inside with his hand, and I thanked him quietly as I walked through the door, welcoming the warmth.

I looked around his small kitchen, taking in the fridge that had family photos of Jacob and two other girls, and from the striking resemblances I took the wild guess of them being his sisters. Moving my eyes to the small round dining table centred in the kitchen, a steaming cup of coffee sat there, with a plate of biscuits beside it.

Jacob's father cleared his throat, and I looked back to him smiling, "I'm sorry I forgot about the uhh," he used his hand to wave it around his head, and I nodded in understanding, "memory loss thing, I'm Jacob's father Billy."

"It's nice to meet you ... Again." He released a tight smile at my attempt to lighten the mood, and wheeled his way over to the table, beckoning me over to sit across from him.

"How have you been Silver? I haven't seen you since I came to visit, and back then you-"

"-were in a coma. It's okay I've heard it before, and thank you for visiting me." I shrugged my shoulders as I cut him off, tired of people being so apologetic over something so ridiculously small.

He let out a good natured chuckle, smiling fondly at me before speaking once more, "you still have your old spark girl."

I wish I knew what he meant, that way I probably would have joined in with his laughing, instead I let out a soft smile, and looked around the place to see if there was any sign of Jacob. I assumed he would be here, seeing as he hadn't been with me, it felt like a routine now, normal even, he would show up early spend the entire day with me, hold me till I fell asleep, and the same cycle would happen for the next day. It was the only routine I had known for the past two weeks since leaving the hospital, I didn't have anything else to occupy me, school was out of the question seeing as I couldn't remember anything I had learnt in the past four years, god I hope my memories come back soon.

"Do you know where Jacob is?" Billy looked down at the table, avoiding eye contact with me, and eyed him suspiciously before he spoke in a quite and unconvincing tone.

"He just had some things to do today, but stick around and he'll be back in no time."

Seriously? I may have hit my head extremely hard and cracked my skull open, but I wasn't retarded, even I could tell he was lying, and I didn't even know the man, but because of that one fact I played along, pretending to fully believe him and nod my head. An awkward silence passed over us as he quietly sipped on his coffee, and I attempted to subtle itch my back, which was very difficult seeing as the back brace was under my shirt, I absolutely could not wait to get rid of this thing.

God, if this was how quite and awkward it would be with every old friend I would meet, then I might as well just hide at home and save myself the pain and embarrassment.

"You know Silver, ever since you and Jacob had met you were inseparable, he adored you."

An unknown smile swept across my face as I looked up to connect eyes with Billy, he seemed so sincere when he said it, so fully content, yet there was something else, some sort of deeper meaning.

"I just- I just want you to remember I said that when you're memories come back."

Well thanks Billy that certainly made a lot of sense, a long with a load of other confusing lines people have sent my way. I should just expect a new dent in my head soon with all the questions and thoughts that are crammed into there, I'm pretty sure no one could take on this much stress inside their head, even though technically mine was sort of empty, it terms of memories.

The only logical thing that could make sense is that maybe Jacob and I weren't on the best of terms before I had my accident, maybe we had an argument or something and hadn't spoken, and maybe that's why he felt like he had to always be around because he felt guilty. God, the amount of questions I ask myself over one little sentence is ridiculous, I should just do what Doctor Cullen said and be patient, my mind will tell me when I'm ready.

"What was my friendship with him like? And well … with the way he acts towards me it feels a bit," my face flushed an unbelievable colour of red, but it was a question I knew Jacob would never answer, " intimate, were we a couple towards the end or?"

Billy himself seemed uncomfortable by my question, and let out a strained cough before looking down at his cup of coffee and speaking once more, "You and Jacob had a very light hearted friendship, you constantly fought and bickered but you both found it so highly amusing, and you understood him like no other person could, I'm pretty sure he even called you his own Oprah Winfrey at times … and as for your second question, I think that is one that should be directed towards Jacob."

I can't really blame him, I wouldn't want to talk about my son's relationship or love life issues with a girl who had lost her memory either, it was uncomfortable, but he had answered at least my first question, so I was half happy.

Silence soon engulfed us, and I failed to find it awkward, mostly because we both didn't know what else to say, and decided to settle into a comfortable silence. I kept looking to the clock that was situated above the fridge behind Billy, wondering just how long it would take for Jacob to come back and my leg constantly shook up and down anxiously. Minutes felt like hours when I was away from him, it at some points physically hurt when I had to part from Jacob, which is kind of pathetic now that I really have time to think about it, no one should be that dependant on someone, especially if you barely know them.

I couldn't bring myself to try and fight it though, I needed Jacob there with me all the time, and if he wasn't there it was like trying to breath without oxygen. God, I sounded so melodramatic, a stereotypical whipped teenager, and yet I wasn't even in a relationship, if I behaved anything like this before my accident then I really needed to re-evaluate myself.

Not thirty minutes had gone past when someone bounded through the door, and my heart only leapt for the briefest moment as I craned my head to see who it was. I couldn't even attempt to stop the grin that spread across my face, or the constant flips in my stomach that occurred when my eyes connected with the bronze skinned beauty at the door. His raven hair was dishevelled, as if he had constantly been running his hands through it, his grey t shirt was creased and a tired smile adorned his face, yet at that moment I couldn't find him more beautiful.

We held eye contact for merely seconds before a small frame pushed past him at the door, and suddenly I couldn't help but take my eyes away from the pale skinned girl.

To say that I was jealous of her close proximity between her and Jacob would be an understatement, and she made no indication that she would move either. She stood in front of him, smiling happily with her beautiful lips to Billy, greeting him with a voice that sounded like a beautiful melody.

"It's good to see you again Bella."

Billy's response was some what stiff, I suddenly realized just how awkward the room was for some unknown reason, and turned back to Jacob, who now seemed to find the floor a very interesting thing to look at. Bella, which I assumed her name, was, made no indication to greet me, she just stared at me with a hard gaze, using those insanely beautiful hazel eyes, and I stared back, wondering why on earth she would treat me with such animosity.

It didn't take a genius to guess that we probably didn't like each other when I was the old me, and I was beginning to understand why. Her protective and stiff posture in front of Jacob was enough to tell me that, and although I only just came out of a coma, I wasn't about to let some pale skinned overly beautiful freak intimidate me.

She was dressed in normal attire, yet it seemed to look so overly classy and sophisticated on her, which is quite a difficult task with a simple pair of jeans and a white blouse. So normal yet so damn beautiful and captivating, giving a heavy blow on my self esteem, Jacob couldn't have possibly ever found that attractive, she was too .. clean. Where as Jacob was messy, in a non-dirty way, he was more out there and alive I guess, the complete opposite of how she came across.

I decided to ignore her rude behaviour, and looked to 'Bella' innocently before smiling widely at Jacob, he seemed to visibly relax and take a deep breath, as if he were expecting me to suddenly remember something about the pale Greek goddess and jump her.

He stalked past Bella and came to crouch beside me at the kitchen table, "I was wondering when you would turn up, Mr. Black said you were busy with work or something?"

He looked to his dad for the brief moment, as if that one simple eye contact conveyed a whole conversation, and with that Billy backed up in his wheel chair, softly saying that he would be in the living room if anyone needed. Pulling a chair closer to mine Jacob took a seat, one of his hands never leaving mine as he smiled softly, before looking behind me to Bella and letting the smile drop. He looked at her strangely, it was difficult to explain or decipher, but what I did know was that I didn't want him looking at her _that _way.

"Silver, this is Bella … one of my friends.", putting on a false smile I extended my arm out, waiting for her to politely shake it, instead she just continued to stare at me with that same look.

How rude. At least I was pretending to be nice; she couldn't even pull that off. I would have narrowed my eyes at her for her next statement, if it didn't just make me feel nervous and uncomfortable, what an actual bitch.

"Nice hair cut." Even an idiot could sense her mocking tone in it, and instantly my hand shot up to my short hair, turning back to Jacob I barely managed to squeak out my question like a pathetic little mouse.

"Does it look bad?"

"No! No it doesn't! You look beautiful."

God I was so pathetic, I wanted to at least imagine that the old me would have bitten back with a sarcastic comment, but all I could do right now was feel slightly smug at the fact that Jacob was now running his own hand through my hair lovingly before fixing a hard gaze on Bella. If I were childish enough I would have stuck my tongue out at her, but I had to remember that I was seventeen now, not thirteen.

The tension in the room began to thicken as it was becoming more evident that this Bella and I were not going to get along, man and I didn't even need to remember anything to know that she was a stuck up bitch. Avoiding all eye contact with her I rested my hands on the photo albums in front of me, taking a deep breath before addressing Jacob once more.

"I was sort of looking around in my room, to see if anything would feel familiar, and I found these in my closet, I was wondering if we could look at them together and you could explain the story behind it …"

He seemed hesitant in replying, looking worriedly to the pale beauty behind me, as if he were conflicted, but I could see the light in his eyes, and he knew I was trying, trying really hard to remember, not for me but for him. I stared at him for a few moments, waiting for him to make a decision, until he heaved a long sigh and his shoulders slumped in defeat, before looking back up and smiling at me.

"Sure, we can do whatever you want." I couldn't help but the let the triumphant grin spread across my face, but it was soon swiped away when Bella's voice cut through our moment.

"Jake. We were meant to talk today."

Her voice was monotone, yet it still managed to sound so freaking good, which to me didn't seem fair at all, and once again I saw that same look on his face, the one I knew from somewhere yet couldn't place my finger on it. He looked so conflicted with himself, as if he was constantly having an argument within his head, and he closed his eyes momentarily while he addressed Bella.

"Maybe another time Bells, I just can't right now."

Bells? He had a nickname for _her_? I didn't have one. Oprah Winfrey or who ever the hell that randomer was didn't count, and he didn't say her name like he did with mine, he said it with so much intensity like it meant the world. I found myself becoming more and more irrationally jealous, and I had to constantly remind myself to not spit something truly horrible out.

Who was this girl? I had never behaved like this at all since coming out of the hospital, but my thought process and the things that were running through my mind almost felt like it was normal. That I would originally behave like this, and realizing just how strange my behaviour was I reeled myself back in, reminding myself that although this sort of behaviour around _Bells_ may have felt familiar, that I didn't know what my behaviour was like. This was new me, and I couldn't constantly wait around for old me to give me my memories, I had to try and find some ground and become my own person again, no matter what kind of secret demon she awoke inside of me.

"Fine. Walk me out." Even I could tell that her short hard words were not a request but an order, so I wasn't all that surprised when Jacob did, talking in hushed voices with her at the door before he closed it behind her with a soft and regrettable goodbye.

He stood there for a few moments before he sucked in a breath and turned back around, plastering on some fake smile while walking back to me and reclaiming the seat beside me.

"Right, where do you wanna start?"

I was silent as I looked to my lap, my hands softly placed on them before I spoke quietly, "The way you looked at her … its- its like the way you …" it's the way you look at me, was what I wanted to say, slowly piecing things in place, and I couldn't say that I liked it at all.

I thought I was the only one Jacob looked at in that way, like nothing else matter but what was in front of him, like he was afraid to blink for one second because he was afraid I would disappear, it made me feel special, and that was easily taken away.

I was thrust out of my thoughts as my chair skidded sideways, due to Jacob pulling me to face him dead in the eye, and his large warm hands grabbed my shoulders pulling my forward slightly, he almost looked scared, or on edge at least, and when he spoke he stuttered a great amount, desperation and fear filling his voice. But fear of what?

"Sil- listen to me- Bells- I mean Bella ... she's nothing okay? A long time a go maybe- but I swear- I _swear _to you Silver she means nothing like that to me anymore … you know it's only you right?"

I bit my lip, lowering my head to avoid his piercing gaze, and nodded softly, suddenly feeling extremely guilty for even insinuating anything like that. Jacob was nothing but supportive and loyal to me, always so patient with how I took everything, and I took it upon myself to accuse him of something so absurd, something that clearly didn't even happen a long time ago, like he said, maybe.

His soft lips touched my forehead, lingering there for a few seconds and sending sparks of fire shooting through my veins, once again allowing the butterflies in my stomach to soar, but as quickly as it came the feeling and moment was gone. Resting his hand above my back brace he massaged the area softly, earning a content sigh from me as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"How 'bout we start with your birthday album?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>8 Months Earlier ...<strong>_

What a tramp. Hair all dishevelled like she thought she rocked the whole 'bed head' look, with some pathetic little lost look in her eyes, really she didn't have to be so damn depressingly suicidal for her ex boyfriend. It wasn't like he imprinted on her, she had no excuse to act like she was gonna drop dead any day; she was probably just infatuated with the fact that he was a fucking vampire. I mean really, they _sparkle_, I don't think it can get any more ridiculous than that. I'd take Bram Stoker's fable any day of her fairy jumping bunch, it was because of them that she was here anyway, getting the guys and Jake to run around in extra patrols just to protect her, it had nothing to with us.

"Be nice Silver."

I swear Emily could read minds or something; she took one look at my penetrating gaze and knew what was going on inside my head. Bella Swan had just walked into Emily's for the first time that I was present, latching onto my best friends arm as if her life depended on it, and shied away by hiding her face behind his shoulder like some fucking twelve year old.

Okay, so I was bitter. Maybe a little jealous too, and angry, irritation could find its way into there too, but that would most be associated with Jake for even bringing her here. He knew that I didn't like it, I was his fucking imprint for god sake, I was the one that had to watch give some puppy dog eyes to a girl that wasn't me, least of all the bland Bella Swan.

Of course I could never voice these opinions aloud, because that would destroy Jake, and as much as I wanted to see the Swan girl fall, I couldn't bear to see Jake's hurtful and disapproving gaze. I loved him too much for that.

Emily ushered her into the kitchen and took a seat in between Quil and Embry, who warmly greeted her, along with Kim who had been perched on Jared's lap. While the other boys greeted her with short 'hey's' or a nod, they continuously chewed loudly on their meals.

Emily's beautiful yet knowing face turned to me, fully expecting me to behave appropriately no matter what I felt. In some ways I guess I could say she behaved like my mother, since my real one was absent, but I'll leave those bitter thoughts on her for another time. Emily cocked her him to the side and rose an eyebrow at me, I couldn't help but crack a smile as I failed to find her intimidating in the polcadot apron she wore, her beautiful black hair tied back into a pony tail.

When it was time for me to finally greet Bella I felt the entire room silence a little, the boys chewed a little slowly as they would subtly look at my reaction out of the corner of their eyes, while Seth and Quil openly stared.

She looked at me with these innocent doe eyes, a small smile gracing her pale lips, and I could haven tried to give one in return, but it just didn't seem to happen, I just stared at her blankly, waiting for the atmosphere to go back to normal.

Jake cleared his throat loudly, giving me a pleading look while he spoke, "Bella this is Silver, my _best friend_."

He said it as if that would make me feel guilty; well it didn't, not to her at least. I could have said a lot to her, I could have made my usual snide bitchy comments like I did with the boys, only they knew I was joking, seeing as I would burst into laughter after wards, but with her I would completely mean it. I wanted to sigh, this is how you know when you're spending too much time with Leah, because your mood instantly dampens and you suddenly just hate the world a whole lot more than you originally would have.

She helped though, with a lot of things, and out of the corner of my eye I could see the small smirk playing on her face as she watched my exchange with Bella, she would definitely rave on later about being proud of me.

"Nice to meet you Silver, Jake's told me so much about you."

I bet he has. He probably left out the part about me being his imprint, Jake would never dare in any way foil his own chances with Bella. I actually cannot believe the amount of times I sat with him and gave him advice on her, it was just so much easier with me never meeting her, because then it still felt a little fictitious. Now however, seeing her in the flesh it suddenly hurt so much more, because now she was real, now she wasn't going away, and as long as her sparkling beauty was gone she was going to be here for good. God things never worked out in my favour, the day something actually goes my way pigs will fly, and maybe vampires and werewolves wont exist, maybe I'll wake up and realize that this entire ordeal was just a silly dream and that Jake was still my tall but scrawny best friend.

Wishful thinking will get you no where Silver. How many times do we have to consult each other about this? Talking to yourself is surely a sign of insanity, especially when it happens so often, I guess that's what happens when the love of your life so blatantly ignores any form of affection for no apparent reason.

I snorted, rather un-lady like at that, going completely against what I had said previously on not being able to upset Jake and turned to exit the kitchen through the back garden. Making sure the screen door made as much creaking noise as possible, and even from here I had to smile as I heard the sniggers from all the boys at the table.

I liked being a bitch.

* * *

><p><strong>I know ... I know ... It is really really REALLY late ... but honestly I do have a genuine excuse ... it's coming to the end of the year with my studies and work simply piled over that I had to focus on it for the last three weeks! And In my spare time I've been adding bits and pieces to this chapter, but I did have actually quite a lot written up already! I hope I Don't disappoint because this is my longest chapter, it's nine pages long!<strong>

** Replies:**

**Wolf Happiness- Ha yeah, she does get over it in time, it just hit her all at once and overwhelmed her! And I think you got your answer to that question in this chapter ;) It's fun to see Bella getting so jealous :P **

**Crawfish 4 - I know! but he's just being stupid and in denial! Typical boy! And ha sorry! I'm still debating on that actually, guess we'll see where the story goes :D **

**Embrysgirl444 - Thank you for reading! :) **

**BY THE WAY I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I'M RENAMING THE STORY! NOTHING TO DRASTIC BUT IT'S JUST BECAUSE IN ANOTHER CATEGORY (TV SHOWS TO BE PRECISE) I CAME ACROSS ANOTHER STORY WITH THE SAME TITLE, AND TO AVOID ANY CONFLICT OR POSSIBLE ACCUSATIONS I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW IT'S CHANGING. ANNOUNCEMENT DONE. **


	7. Break

_"I'm Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing, Just Praying To A God That I Don't Believe In. 'Cause I Got Time While She Got Freedom, And When A Heart Breaks No It Don't Break Even ... I'm Falling To Pieces." - The Script; Break Even._

* * *

><p>Nervous? Understatement. I wasn't meeting one or two people, but an entire bunch of people, Jacob referred to them as 'the pack' which I was apparently part of , and he thought me being back at home for more than two months was enough time to adjust. I liked to think that he was doing this out of frustration, frustration at the fact that I still hadn't remember a single thing, and it was clearly starting to scare him. After the incident of meeting <em>Bella<em> he was a lot more on edge, and stuck to me like a rash, whenever a silence was upon us he'd babble on about how it was the first time he'd spoken to Bella in almost a year, and that it wouldn't happen again.

I may not like her but he didn't have to cut off his friendship with her, it wasn't as if she made that much of an impact on me, besides I would be a terrible person for telling Jacob who he could and couldn't be friends with.

I sat in the passenger seat of Jacob's rabbit, listening to him talk happily over how excited everyone was to see me, not noticing in the slightest that I was practically shitting a brick, and smiled widely at the events for today, truly hoping that I would remember everything in just this one meeting. I was obviously less optimistic, if I hadn't remembered anything by now then I clearly wasn't going to any time soon, even if I was introducing a whole load more of people into my new life. I counted of the amount of people I would be meeting with my fingers, and if I count Leah, Quil and Embry into those it made twelve. Supposedly nine of them were all as huge as Jacob, making me feel that little bit more terrified than I already was, and I could already feel the hints of intimidation washing over me like a tidal wave.

This was going to be an eventful day alright, just not in the way that Jacob was expecting, and I couldn't break myself to break his entirely happy mood, after all he had done for me he at least deserved this, and much more, so much more than I could ever give him. Sadly I didn't what exactly it was I was supposed to give him, and the only thing I could think of was the also the only thing unattainable; my remembrance of him.

As much as I was dying to remember everything, for Jacob's sake as well as my own, I was also afraid to see what my most recent ones would be. What would drive me into such a state that I would feel the need to leave La Push for a while, and I was even more afraid that it may have had something to do with Jacob.

I played with the hem of my white sleeved shirt, once again wondering if I had dressed good enough for such a gathering, Jacob had said that dressing normally was fine, that I wasn't anything formal or special, they were just happy I was coming. Some how I still felt rather hesitant in that though, I felt as if once I walked through the door I would be inspected and compared to the old Silver they once knew, and wouldn't be good enough.

Would she have dressed in the black leggings and white shirt like I had? Or found she extremely comfortable in nothing but high top sneakers? I had no idea if she would have, and no one seemed to help with that, saying that I would either remember or move on.

I pulled on the sleeves of my shirt further, as if they were already way past my wrists, I just couldn't seem to stop fidgeting, I wanted to just beg Jacob to turn around and go home. That I would try another time, or that I wanted to wait until I had gotten a memory back, but stalling wouldn't help me at all, I had to do this at one point. The uneasy feeling in my stomach only increased when the car came to a sudden halt, and looking out my side of the window I looked at the small house that I assumed was Emily and Sam's.

Jacob let out a long breath and took my hand, softly squeezing it before speaking to me, "we're here … god we haven't done this in such a long time, they're so happy that you're coming."

I nodded, forcing a smile of my own as I opened the car door, waiting be the side of the car for Jacob to come over, grabbing his hand so tightly, as if it were my life line I looked to Jacob pleadingly, so frightfully that he held it back just as tightly.

"Please, don't let go."

He took a moment to place a soft kiss on my forehead; running his hand through my short hair before smiling softly at me, giving me as much reassurance as possible.

"Never."

I followed his lead up the porch steps, letting him open the screen and front door as we went, my heart beat speeding up with every step I took, my breathing becoming so short and fast that I was surprised I hadn't had some sort of heart attack already. I didn't even get a second of silence as soon as the door had shut behind me, the yells of my name and 'welcome back', rang out so loudly I wanted to cover my ears.

I felt as if I was being attacked and cage, random pair's of arms wrapped around me, and I was forced to return them with one arm as I never let go of Jacob's hand. The first one I already knew belonged to Quil, followed my Embry's, and I tuned out their yells or taunting jokes while I tried to smile politely.

My head began to bang and hurt at the overwhelming sensation of so many people surrounding me, so many tall and huge in muscle men were gathered her, the yells and squeals of more than one girl overlapped each other, and the small tiny pair of arms that wrapped themselves around my waist was what made me want to burst into tears. She was so beautiful, so young and looked so genuinely happy to see me, yet I didn't even know who she was.

Of course I could place a name to her face, seeing as Jacob pointed her out in s many of the photo's, little Claire, niece to Emily. Yet I still didn't know who she truly was, and she was greeting me so warmly like I had never left.

"Silveerrrrrrrrrrr! I missed you!"

I didn't get to reply, not that I thing I could have, seeing as if I even opened my mouth the tears would have spilt and the wails would have erupted out of me like it had that first time I had gone back home. Quil lifted her up from her armpits, laughing happily as he placed he on his hip and told her to let me breathe, which should have been something he should have said to the entire crowd of people.

I only realized how big of a mistake this was, I wasn't in the slightest bit ready for this, no where near it, and I should have told Jacob that, should have asked me to meet them all individually like I had done so far with the boys and Leah.

I barely had a second when two women place their arms around me in a group hug, both gushing on how they had been at the hospital for me almost every day, and I instantly knew who they both were again thanks to the photo album; Emily and Kim. Supposedly two of the kindest hearted women you would ever know, only I had to go by that on words, not because I knew them, because I didn't fucking remember them.

I didn't remember anyone here, and they had gone to this much trouble to make sure I felt welcome, and all I could do was think about how much this scared me, that it overwhelmed me to the point of where I wanted to run the hell out of there. I wanted to go home, to hide in my room for the past two months like I had done since I got home, because it was easier that way, so much more easily.

Ironically it was me who let go of Jacob's hand, but not the return the group hug that I was unwillingly sharing with the two girls, it was to softly push them off me and place my hands on the sides of my head in pain. I closed my eyes tightly, trying so hard to fight off the tears that were so close to falling, and still tuned out to everything around me I barely registered the fact that silence had engulfed the room, the multiple stares of bewilderment and sadness, and worst of all the sad disappointed eyes I would have to face when I looked at Jacob.

I let out a strangled cry of pain as I gripped my hair tightly with my fingers, cowering away from the comfort of Jacob's warm hand and back away, still not looking to any of them I shook my head in pain, finally allowing the tears to fall out.

"I- I can't do this – I'm- I'm sorr-" I didn't even finish my sentence as I turned and stumbled out of the front door, running down the small porch steps and skidding to a halt just in front of the rabbit.

I had no intention of going anywhere far, just needed air outside of the constricting space of that house, and as the now heavy rain fell hard on me it drowned out the sound of my own cries of emotional pain, my salty tears mixing with the fresh rain. I was only alone for a mere second before my arm was yanked hard, forcing me to spin around, be held tightly on both of my forearms.

I hadn't even know that Jacob had followed me straight after, and I guessed he was probably calling my name as he did so, he looked as if he were in so much pain, but in my selfish state now I couldn't bring myself to agree with his request.

"Silver just come back inside!"

I dug my sneakers into the mud heavily, as if that would stop him from softly dragging me back, and I wriggled around in his hold like my life depended on it.

"No! I can't Jacob, please I can't!"

"Look, I know it feels like a lot to take in, but if you come back in it wont feel as overwhelming as before, it'll be different!"

I shook my head vigorously, fully yanking my arms out of his reaches while he spoke, backing away from him, screaming above the loud pour of the rain.

"I'm not going to remember everything by going back in there Jacob!"

I slapped my hand over my mouth as I spoke those forbidden words, my memories were never a spoken subject with Jacob and I, simply because I knew how much it would mean to him for me to remember everything. I watched his mouth open and close as if he was a goldfish, he looked as if I had just slapped him in the face, and the look of pure distraught that absolutely killed me inside was only there for a few seconds before his nostrils flared and anger took over him as he once again grabbed both of my arms so forcefully that it physically hurt

"I'M FUCKING TRYING HERE SILVER! WHAT ELSE CAN I POSSIBLY DO? ALL I'VE DONE IS FUCKING TRY MY HARDEST TO HELP YOU!"

The impact and volume of his words hit me like a train, and I recoiled so far away from him as I possibly could with his large hands holding me in place, terrified of him getting any angrier, his fists clenching around my arms as if he were restraining from hitting me. I'm pretty sure half of La Push would have heard his voice, because it definitely overlapped the rain pouring down, and was enough to have the front door of Sam and Emily's house burst open with a bunch of the boys rush out and cautiously grab Jacob by the arms.

"Jake, come on man let go … or you'll do something you're gonna regret."

Embry yelled over the rain, both him and Quil pulling Jacob back as far as they could, who's angry eyes were still locked with my distraught and traumatized ones before I broke it, stumbling backwards from him as they took him away. I rubbed my arms as softly as I could, trying to rid the pain of where his hands once were, which was a sentence I never thought I would say.

Leah was by my side as soon as they were gone, which was in the peculiar direction of the woods, she put her arm around my shoulder and shushed me soothingly, some how managing to understand my broken sentences of wanting to go home, and complied easily as she walked to me over to a worn looking truck. Pushing my short soaked hair out of my face, and placing me in the passenger side, she followed suit.

She let me cry the entire way back, nothing but silence was in the car as I let it out, I felt so pathetic, so weak, I'm pretty sure that the old me would have been laughing or something because nobody could be this much of a joke. I don't know why it was so hard, why I couldn't just stay in there and smile as wide as I could, laugh and be reintroduced back into a group of friends, watch Jacob smile happily like he had a piece of his old life back.

I did the opposite, took the selfish route and ran, thinking that it would solve all my problems and everything would disappear. I should know that things don't work that way, that if I wanted to make things better I would have to face everything that terrified me, and if I didn't do it for me then I definitely had to do it for Jacob, and my parents, because they were the ones who were really suffering. They were the ones who had to watch someone they loved wake up in a hospital bed without a single memory, and had to patiently and silently wait on me hand and foot with the hopes of me remembering.

"You mean the world to him you know? He just needed to lose some steam."

I nodded, not really knowing what I could say to that, the second part of her statement was fairly obvious, because no one could have gone for this long with a best friend who didn't remember them and remain completely calm. I sat in my living room now freshly clothed in warm pyjama's, my home empty as my father was still at work, my mother had returned to Seattle, no longer being able to take anymore time off of work, and insisted that she would visit as much as she could.

I had noticed small things about my mother while she was around, the secretive whispers she would have on the phone when she thought I wasn't looking, her guilty eyes she had every time she looked in both mine and my dad's direction, my dad's own resilience to have any real conversation with her, it was intense.

I was a little relived when she left, not because I didn't want her here, oh no, she was my mother, and as much as I loved my dad your mother always held a special place in your heart. I just found it a lot easier to breathe in the house now she wasn't her as frequently as before, dad seemed much more relaxed, and Jacob looked a lot less cautious now that she wasn't in the same room.

The thought of him now made my chest squeeze slightly, as if the air in my lungs was being cut off, it hurt so much to know that I had hurt him that bad. I was praying that he would turn up, or finally return my call; I just wanted to apologize over and over again for hurting him, for not realizing just how hard it was for him, just for being so damn selfish.

"I'm trying Leah, I really am .. I want to remember … for him."

She let out a sigh, putting her hand on my shoulder and gave a strained smile, "I know you are, and he is too …" A scowl crossed her face as I imagined she was thinking of him, "the asshole deserves everything he gets, but even I have to admit I've never seen him this devoted to anyone before, not even Bell-."

Her eyes widened as she cut herself off, realising her mistake, thinking that she could still save herself, but it was clearly too late, you only had to mutter the first letter for me to know who she spoke of. The regret and pure anger with herself in her eyes was so evident that it was basically the ultimate confirmation I needed on who she was talking about, I stared at her for a long time, knowing fully what that she knew what I was now expecting from her. An explanation on Bella, on everything to do with Bella, and just what it was that had made Bella so special.

Leah took a long disdainful breath, running a hand through her black hair she looked to me with a piercing gaze, opening her mouth to tell me a long story, which I'm sure by the end of I probably wished I'd never heard.

* * *

><p><strong><em>5 Months Earlier ...<em>**

"Urgh, get the hell out of here, I'm just still surprised she hasn't tried jumping off another cliff again."

Leah let out a disgusted snort a long with a statement, and all I could do was laugh hysterically on the end of my bed, holding my stomach as it began to hurt. She currently sat up against the headboard with a magazine in her hand, dressed in pyjama shorts and jumper, spending yet another night her before she would wake up at an un godly hour to go patrolling.

It wasn't as if Jake would come to my bedroom during the night anymore anyway, he would spend his entire night patrolling for _her_, and once again all I could do was silently oblige to his wishes and be the ever supportive friend I was trying so hard to be.

"Please, she'd make sure Jake was in the area so he could save her fucking life for the thousandth time."

I had started off with a light hearted tone, but soon my expression turned sour as I remembered the day he had held her tightly while she shivered, and profusely thanked him for saving her life. I hadn't seen Jake at all in the past couple of months, and even with the fact that Bella's vampire boyfriend was back he still refused to give up, and I couldn't help but constantly wish that it was me he tried so hard to fight for, not that he would really need to since I'd collapse into his arms like a heartbeat.

Noticing my dampened mood Leah tossed the magazine aside, sitting up smiling evilly as her next statement was sure to send me into another fit of laughter. She was I guess the closest thing to a best friend other than Jake and the guys, and when we weren't in a group Leah behaved like any normal person would, well as normal as a female werewolf could go, spending time like this with her would make you surprised that she could ever be so cold hearted to others.

I guess you could say we found some ease in each others company, we to some degree understood and helped each other, my pain of rejection would never get as bad as Leah's was, and as terrible as I felt for her I was thanking the gods for that. She often expressed her opinions of her never wanting me to turn out like her, how I should never become the bitter and stone hearted person she was, that I still had a chance of the love she was denied.

I could understand why she hated imprinting so much, seeing as it took away the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with, I had heard from Embry that they were the happiest couple around, practically on the verge of engagement, but we all know things don't last forever, and fate showed her that in the cruellest way. It seemed so unfair when I looked at it from her point of view, how imprinting possibly would have done everyone a whole lot of a good if it hadn't existed, but as quickly as I think those thoughts they always disappear. Simple because I could never bring myself to regret being this in love with Jake, no matter how much he insisted that imprinting was a curse, and all I had to do was look at Kim and Jared, who had been hopelessly in love with him even before the imprint.

I liked to think that maybe imprinting didn't outright bound you to someone unwillingly, it just made you notice them, after all people like me and Kim could openly admit to harbouring feelings for our other half's even before the imprint. It just made the imprinter see, see what could be and then they did all the rest from there, and in my case Jake decided to resist it, to follow his own path of love, which was already messed up.

God, I was stuck in some love square or something, I loved Jake, Jake loved Bella, Bella loved Jake, but then she loved Edward, and Edward worshipped the ground Bella walked on. Yeah, that even hurt my head to figure out, I don't even understand how it was supposed to work, why it couldn't just be that two people loved each other and that was the end of it.

Leah's loud voice snapped me out of my thoughts, finally delivering the killer line that I had been patiently waiting for, "I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair, she'd look like a British man."

I almost died of laughter then, not at the joke she had just said, but at her ridiculous attempt to pass it off as her own, only making me laugh harder as a mental image of a bald Bella Swan popped into my mind.

"You totally just stole that line from Mean Girls!"

She shrugged, once again leaning back on the headboard and smirking, "So what? It still made you laugh didn't it?"

I nodded, still recovering from my hysterics and wipe a tear away from my eye, "It's even slightly tempting to creep up on her at night and stick bottles of hair removal cream all over her scalp."

Leah shook her head at me, grabbing her magazine once more to resume her page, a small snigger releasing itself from her mouth.

"Silver, your thought process is slightly disturbing."

I crawled to the other end of my bed to sit beside her, my head resting against her shoulder as I scanned over what she was reading, before snorting and pointing to one of the dresses Megan Fox were at some premier.

"That's why you're my friend, and hey don't you think that dress would totally look better on me?"

"Please, don't ask me to answer that."

I nudged her with my elbow in the ribs harshly, knowing fully well that it wouldn't actually do any damage, and the only response I got was a bark of laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>So I guess here is where you could say Silver's slowing learn the truth without her memories, which I'm still undecided about whether they would come back or not ... just as a side note if you want them too leave your decision in the reviews! Because I have idea's for both scenario's! <strong>

**Yes anyway I had read in a previous comment in my reviews that someone wanted to see more Leah interaction, and I was trying to find somewhere to fit it in, so I thought 'what the hell' I'll put it here, pull Silver and Jacob apart for five minutes so she can start to stand on her own, become the independent girl she once was a little!**

**Replies:**

**Wolfhappiness: Haha yeah, I just thought she needed to show some volatile behavior to Bella, after all she is taking away the love of her life ;) and hopefully I plan to get another chapter out buy this weekend!**

**GymnastQueen: Thank you so much for thinking so! Honestly it makes me blush! I'm glad you enjoy my story so much, it's readers like you who encourage me to write on! And the shit will hit the fan in all due time :) and I've taken your suggestions into account, thank you for them, as you can see as I already used one of them ;)**

**Embrysgirl444: Haha I'm glad you agree! Who does like Bella? I mean I love Stephenie Meyer and all, but bella was just so BLAND for me, I just couldn't connect with her at all! I much better prefer her female protagonist Melanie Stryder in the host, now THAT was an awesome book!**

**IzzieLove: Awwwww *shucks* thank you so so so much! x3 I hope it keeps you interested for the rest of the story!**

**MyAwesomnessIsAwesome: It is here! The update is here! And hopefully another one out by this weekend! **

**onlygirl: Thank you for liking it! I'll do my best to keep updating!**

**NOW COME ON GUYS LETS GET THOSE REVIEWS UP TO A HIGHER NUMBER!**


	8. Touch

"_The Smile On Your Face Let's Me Know That You Need Me, There's A Truth In Your Eye's Saying You'll Never Leave Me, The Touch Of Your Hand Says You'll Catch Me Wherever I Fall. You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All." – Ronan Keating; When You Say Nothing At All._

* * *

><p>He might as well have just did what he had done to her last time, that would have had the same effect, succeeding in pushing her away and hurting her a considerable amount. Jacob let out a loud yell of frustration in Sam's kitchen, smacking his fist into the counter and a loud resounding boom echoed through the house.<p>

"Don't destroy my kitchen."

Emily's light tone as she took out a tray of muffins from the oven made Jacob's eyes bulge out of his sockets, taking him a back and looking at her as if she were insane, she continued to hum softly while using her oven mittens to place each muffin onto the plate. Various members of the pack looked between the two, saying nothing since Jacob had returned from the run he had to cool himself off, obviously doing nothing for him as he was still in a catatonic state.

"I'm sorry, were you not present when Silver ran outta here?" He spat, although the negative emotions weren't towards her, but to him.

She looked at him sceptically, silently criticizing him for his sarcasm, before taking off her gloves to finally look at him, her tone gave away nothing but a kindness to it, and yet he found it did nothing to calm his temper.

"What did we expect really? We practically ambushed her, I'm not surprised she freaked out, but I am surprised that you lost your temper in front of her. That was not what she needed in her fragile state Jacob, no matter how angry or upset you are."

He turned back around to face the cabinets; he didn't need Emily or Sam to tell him that, he knew it as soon as he had opened his mouth in front of her, as soon as her face crumpled in absolute pain. A crushing feeling delved deep into his chest at that image, completely hating him self at that moment, wanting more than any to plead for her forgiveness.

He honestly thought that they were making progress, she was always happy now, she laughed and joked with him, took long walks across First Beach when the weather was decent, even if it hurt her back, she made an effort. He had just wanted a piece of her back, he wanted _his_ Silver to come through, it wasn't like he was asking for much, just one memory, one to know that it could happen, that she could be who she was.

Yet when she screamed those unspeakable words to him outside, she said it so confidently, like she didn't want to remember who she was, like she wanted to stay lost. It didn't anger him, just frighten him, frighten him to the point in where he reacted the only way he knew how; by losing his temper.

"I've blown it again; I fucking crushed her with my hands."

Jacobs's eyes moved to his hands, which were stretched out before him, they always seemed so gigantic next to Silver's, so dangerous, yet they fit so perfectly with her. He was careless, he let his anger get the best of him and laid his hands on her, something he vowed to never do again, he knew how fragile she was next to his huge frame, and he didn't even stop to think about it.

"She'll forgive you … chances are she already has, it's the way the imprint works."

Sam's tone was final and authorise, like he was still Jacob's alpha, old habits die hard he guessed. He was right of course, it was the way the imprint worked, and Silver needed him just as much as he did her, she didn't know how much she did yet, and when she did Jacob hoped she remembered everything, even the parts he didn't want her to.

After his little episode in the woods the boys had filed in back to the house, carrying on back to normal, while Kim and Emily had sat down and discussed a much more softer way to see Silver again, a way where she could meet everyone and not feel smothered. They then came up with the idea of having a day out and bonfire at First Beach together, the entire pack, with a wide open space for her not to feel trapped, and also for the entire pack to enjoy, hopefully then she wouldn't run in the opposite direction.

He didn't understand how they could go on as if nothing monumental had happened, how they could just sit around the table and eat muffins together like they were 'The Brady Bunch' or something, he was kicking himself inside. Cursing and yelling at him self, he didn't understand anything at all, why he had even imprinted, he didn't have the ability to look after someone else, and he was the worst protector known to mankind. From the moment he had made eye contact with Silver he had nothing but break her heart until there was nothing else to possibly do to her, broken her beyond repair.

If he had treated her the way he should have from the very beginning then she would have even come close to thinking about getting on that damn bus, they would have been happy if he just accepted the imprint, accepted that he did love her. No, he had to ignore it the best he could and push her away, throw his love for Bella in her face everyday, adamant in not giving up until he knew he had tried to make his own choice, in the end it was all for nothing. All he had done was destroy any possible future he could have had with her.

"Stop being a little bitch, it's not like you haven't done worse to her."

Jacob's eyes narrowed into slits towards Paul, who sat at the table with his hands behind his head leaning back into his chair, a taunting look on his face. Jacob should have known better really, known to rise above the taunt, but he didn't, instead he decided to hit back with a childish remark himself.

"Don't get bitter with me just 'cause Rachel decided to go back to college."

Paul's small grin turned into a smirk then, letting out a little chuckle as he did so, speaking as if he had accomplished a great task and was largely proud of himself, "there's the alpha I know, now go get her."

It took Jacob a few seconds to realize what he had done, which was put motivation back into him and to make him actually do something instead of sulk, his eyes narrowed once more on Paul, this time not as harshly. Instead it danced around humour, becoming playful, and walked across to shove his brother's shoulder lightly.

"You asshole."

All he received was a bark of laughter and a shove back, instantly Jacob's mood had lightened, even getting out a small chuckle of laughter then. He walked into the living room, picking up his discarded back shirt and pulling it on, thankful that he had taken it off before phasing earlier in the day. Saying his goodbyes to the pack he had left the house, nervous and rehearsing his apology to Silver inside his mind, coming up with nothing and further scolding himself for such idiocy.

He wondered if this was how Silver ever felt when she would apologize to him, deeply sorry about hurting his feelings when they would argue about Bella, with Silver expressing her hate for the Swan girl with such colourful language, which he knew had come from Leah's influence.

Leah. He scowled at the thought of her, and the idea of her sitting at home with Silver now, probably manipulating her mind into hating Jacob once more, influencing her every action like she once did, slowly turning her against Jacob out of bitterness because of her own downfall with Sam. The rational part of his mind told him to erase those thoughts, that Leah wasn't actually doing anything or the sort, that she did actually care about both him and Silver and wanted to see them happy, but he pushed it away, locking it tightly in the deepest place of his mind.

He stood on her porch for what felt like hours, but was surely only minutes, contemplating on what to even say, if he should say anything, and how to respond if she acted coldly towards him, or slammed the door in his face. He obviously wouldn't give up, he would spend the night on the porch if he had to, he wouldn't give up this time, he would destroy his chances again, and he had learnt the penalties for that last time.

His hand was moving of it's own accord, knocking on the door before he even realised he was doing it, and dropped his hand down to his side limply as he waited. It didn't take long, only seconds really before the door was opened fully, as if she knew he was coming, as if she felt him close, like he did with her, that gravitation pull towards each other, that was forever present in their lives and after.

She stood there, her light innocent eyes looking up to him hopelessly, like a small child, he couldn't help but crumble before her, his chest throbbing and his arms already aching to hold her. He restrained himself, repeating in his head that it wouldn't go down so well with her after screaming in her face, and that he should wait for her to even think about going anywhere near him.

"Can I come in?"

She didn't say anything, only looked down towards the floor and stepped aside, closing the door behind him as he stepped in, and rested her back against it with her eyes still downcast to the floor. The space between her eyebrows was creased, as if she were in an argument with her self, and Jacob almost moved forward to smooth it out with his hands, and kiss it gently to relax her. _Almost_.

"It's strange, Leah only just left and said you would be here soon .. it's like she could sense you near by."

Her voice was so quite, too quite for his liking, he was used to her voicing her opinion loudly, without sugar coating it and proud that she had been blunt. That was the old Silver, the one who soldiered through every hardship that Jacob threw at her, every problem she faced with her parents divorce and her dislike for her mother. The guilt that coursed through him was unbearable, this quite unsure girl was miles different from the Silver he had know, and it was his fault. He had caused her to lose herself in this way, she lost so much of her life, what she had learned, every little detail that only mattered when you realized you lost them was gone. All because of his stubbornness and pride.

He didn't say anything, to be honest he didn't think there was anything to say to that, even if it was true, but he couldn't risk Silver finding out _those _sorts of truths when she hadn't even begun to get her memories back, that would surely push her over the edge. So he just stood there, stock still, staring at her until she forced herself to look into his dark brown orbs, and it was then he knew her resolve had crumbled, the look of complete loss and adoration in her eyes proved that.

She wasted no time in closing the distance between them, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and burying her head deeply into his chest, while his wound around her reflexively, like a habit, something he was completely used to. A habit that he never wanted to stop, because that would mean losing her, and that to him was the worst thought that could pass through his mind.

"I'm so sorry Silver, I had no right … I'm so so _so_ sorry."

She shook her head, cutting him off from being able to express any more of an apology, placing her small fingers on his lips and silencing him. His eyes softened, guilt pressing down on his chest even more as she spoke, completely unaware of just how wrong he thought she was.

"All you've done is try so much, and I didn't think to look because I was only thinking about me trying … and you've been there for every minute of the day, like another shadow and its made me feel nothing but safe, nothing but loved … and the one time you wanted something in return I didn't give it to you … I was being selfish. I'm the one that's sorry Jake."

He froze at her last words, not being able to wrap his head around it, ".. you called me Jake .." he muttered softly, she hadn't called him that since she was in the hospital, and it was only because she thought that was his real name.

She said it this time with a term of affection, and it meant so much more to him that just a nickname; it meant a step forward in the right direction, a step closer to having another chance, a step forward to her being _his _Silver again. She smiled at him softly, her hand moving to caress his cheek, lingering there for a while when his face leant into her touch.

"My Jake." She whispered, and it sounded like music to his ears, his heart physically felt like it would burst, and he scooped her up into his large arms again, squeezing her just as tightly as he did before, never intending on letting go.

Her feet lifted off the ground as he raised her higher in his arms, and she made no sound of discomfort, no indication that she wanted to be put back down, she only snuggled her head deeper into the crook of his neck. All he too soon for his liking her released her, slowly setting her back down onto the floor, slightly afraid that he had maybe cut off her airways, but she was fine.

She looked at him softly, lovingly, before taking both his large hands in hers and stepping closer to him, allowing him to intertwine their fingers together. Her forehead reached his chin, and it rested there for a moment, feeling his hot breath on the top of her head, and took nothing but comfort in it.

"Jake?"

"Hmm?" He mumbled quietly, feeling as if he could stay in this position with her forever, and only half listened as he drank in the happy feelings of being beside her now.

"You wouldn't leave me would you .. ever?"

He opened his eyes then, moving his head back slightly to look down at her, confused as to why she would ask such questions, and he saw that she was afraid, deeply afraid. He didn't understand why, she should know more than anything that nothing would take him away from her, nothing.

"Silver, you know that I-"

"And you never have right? You never have and you never will?"

She looked at him almost pleadingly, as if she wanted to hear him say those words to make her feel secure and safe again, it was almost as if she knew about Bella. He shook those thoughts out of his head, it was impossible, she couldn't have remember anything in the time since early this afternoon, and Leah would never had said anything, not matter how much she cared for Silver, she had a duty to the pack.

"No Silver, I never have and I never will."

It was only half a lie, one that he was willing to tell if it meant keeping her happy, and keeping her with him, one lie that was worth risking. He never intended on leaving her again, and he prayed to whatever god there was that she never remembered a time when he did leave her, any of those times, because that would be sure to break anything they had.

She nodded, sighing softly before placing her head on his shoulder, her hands balling into small fists on his chest, looking as if a weight had been taken off of her chest. Well, that was how it would look to Jacob, completely oblivious to the truth that she now knew, one that she now regretted knowing.

* * *

><p><em><strong>4 And A Half Months Earlier ...<strong>_

"Jacob Black don't you dare leave without finishing this conversation."

His hand froze on the door knob, standing stiffly in my room, my angry and betrayed eyes were glaring daggers into his toned back. Turning around to face me his was just as dark, looking as if he was restraining himself from losing his temper. I scoffed, like I cared, there was no way in hell I was going down with out a fight, and he very well knew that, he knew me to well, and I him.

"I've made up my mind Silver, and that's that."

My nostrils flared in anger, my hands balling up into fists, this was not fair, this was absolutely not fair. She had won again, it was practically a losing battle, and he ran around like her errand dog or something. This had nothing to do with us, they were after _her_, and it should have stayed that way, no amount of excuses from his mouth about protecting the tribe could hide the fact that he was only trying to save her life.

"Don't I get a say in this? Enough is enough Jake!"

"Silver, I have to do this, I have to protect the tr-"

"SHUT UP! We both know it's not for the tribe, and I am done with coming second to her! You wouldn't have done half the things for me that you have for her!"

That took him off guard, his face stunned slightly, eyes wide and mouth agape, until he quickly recovered, his eyebrows furrowing and his eyes slightly softer. We had never outright spoken about my feelings for him, it was always just implied, and I was down right tired of beating around the stupid fucking bush for him, it was my turn to talk about how I feel.

He took a deep breath, speaking calmly, knowing that was usually the way to persuade me to calm down and cave to his request, not this time, he wasn't getting his way this time.

"Silver, our imprint is different and you know that, I'm your-"

I cut him off again, this time my anger exploded twice as much as it had before, making Jake flinch back slightly and cringe away from me, I rarely let this much anger out.

"BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULSHIT! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU SAYING OUR IMPRINT IS DIFFERENT, BECAUSE WE KNOW ITS NOT, AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT I'M NOT INLOVE WITH YOU JACOB BLACK, AND I KNOW YOU FEEL THE SAME!"

I took a deep breath, recovering from my outburst and twisted declaration of love, Jake only stared at me, his face impassive and unmoving, but softened as soon as he saw the first tear drop from my eyes. I wiped it away furiously, angry at myself for letting him see my like this, all I had bee doing was crying lately, and I hated it, because he just made me feel so hopelessly pathetic, and I hated it.

When I spoke it was softer this time, absentmindedly running a hand through my hair, my eyes downcast to the floor.

"I want my chance to be happy Jake, it's not fair anymore … it's hurts and you know it does, it hurts so much."

He closed the distance between us in two big strides, both his large warm hands moved to cup my face, forcing me to look him in the eyes. He looked tired, worn out, circles were forming under his eyes, and his hair looked messier than usual, I instantly knew why; patrolling. For _her_. It took every bit of strength I had left in me to stop myself from crying harder, and I bit my lip hard to help with it.

"Silver … I … it's more complicated than that … I just hate not having a choice, I want a shot at knowing I can do this without an imprint .. that I could be happy with someone else …"

"But why her?" I choked out, not understanding where he was going, "all it's doing you is causing you pain … so why?" I hiccupped, needing to take a deep breath before I carried on.

"Is it so unbearable Jake? To know that you'd be stuck with me? Does it revolt you that much? Can you not stand the thought of me in that way so badly that you have to keep on doing this to me?"

He didn't say anything, he just stared into my eyes for a long time, as contemplating an answer, not that I would have let him anyway, it was as if a waterfall of words I had to say to him were falling out of my mouth know, things I had held back for almost a year that I couldn't keep them there anymore, I wasn't done yet.

"Don't you understand? That everyday is goddamned marathon watching you love her? You're supposed to understand more than anyone right? How much it hurts to see the one you love love someone else? So why won't-"

I never got to finish what I said, because something else took my completely off guard; Jake's warm lips crashing onto mine. It took me a couple of seconds to recover from the shock, but it didn't last long, I weaved my hands into his hair, pulling him closer to me like my life depended on it.

My lips moved in synchronization with his, as if it was a perfect dance, and it all felt so magical. His soft lips, his warm hands around my neck, the close proximity of our bodies; it made it feel as if we were one being. It was meant to be, it had to, and I couldn't find any other explanation for something being so perfectly beautiful.

One of his hands moved down to my waist, wrapping possessively around me, bringing us closer together than I thought was already possible, and again it felt like a perfect fit. His teeth grazed my bottom lip, and I didn't need to even think about what it meant, it was as if it were second nature to me, which I should have found strange since this was my first kiss with him. In fact it was my first kiss period, not that I could ever complain, it was beyond heaven.

When Jake and I pulled apart for air we stood there for several minutes, panting and taking back the air that was lost to us, our noses touching and his hand caressing my cheek affectionately.

"I don't know why I did that …" He whispered, more to himself than to me, but I gave him an answer anyway.

"Yes you do Jake, just stop this." My voice was pleading, and I thought for a second that maybe I had gotten to him, that he was finally giving me a chance.

His other arm slowly unwrapped itself from around my waist, softly trailing up my arm to place itself on my shoulder, the other one following swiftly from where it once lay on my cheek. Yet he didn't move, his face still stayed where it was against mine, both our eyes closed, as if opening them would change everything, and I had the strangest feeling that my hunch was true.

"Please don't do this Jake, don't go." My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard. How could he not? With heightened wolf senses like his it was impossible to not hear or smell anything.

"I have to." Those were the opposite of the three words that I wanted to hear, three words that were so final and heartbreaking, because I knew exactly what they meant. He was choosing her, after what happened, after what he just instigated, he was still choosing her, choosing to give her a try.

I whacked his hands away from me, my eyes snapping open to look at him, and I was more than certain he saw the betrayal and hurt through them, he was breaking me beyond repair and he knew it, yet he still chose to do nothing about it.

"Silver .." His hand reached out to me, his face crumpling as he did so, but I couldn't bring myself to let him touch me, I took more steps back, and as soon as a fresh set of tears began to fall down my face I turned back around, touching the frame of my window and resting my head against it.

"Just go .." I sobbed out, no longer trying to hide it from him, I wanted him to know what this was doing to me, what it would mean to me if he did chose me, but he didn't, he did as I asked, and he left. Just like that. Showing me that no matter what, he was always going to chose her, and there was nothing I could do, no amount of meaningful kisses we shared, no moments of us sharing my bed at night and talking until the sun rose, that would ever change his mind.

* * *

><p><strong>This was meant to be up DAYS ago, but my internet has not been working long enough for me to upload any chapters FFS, so I'm sorry there was a delay! <strong>

**I've got a LIST of things to be thankful for today, so first of … I checked the stats for March on this story and OMFG I got a thousand hits, a THOUSAND! That is awesome! Thank you all so much for reading this story that many times! Secondly … ten reviews for the last chapter? OMG TEN? THAT WAS WICKED, I GOT SO EXCITED! Thank you all again for reviewing! Hopefully we can get those reviews up to fifty today? Pretty please ^_^ **

**RIGHT REPLIES:**

**GymnastQueen: Thank you for reviewing once again! And she'll find out everything all in due time, even if she doesn't get her memories back! I love her and Leah's friendship too, because their humour is so dry and harsh, and it's always funnier when humour is brutal! I'll defo take your idea's into account, because I love them!**

**WolfHappiness: Yeah, I think Jake just bottled over and let lose at the wrong time! After all wolfs do have short tempers! Thank you, I'll try to update as soon as possible as long as my internets not crashing -_-**

**Leilani: Thank you! Hope you enjoy this chapter just as much! **

**Crawfish4: It was BOUND to happen; no wolf can keep their patience in check for that long … I guess he should have just known when exactly to let it out though! YES FINALLY! It'll definitely make things move along now! Thanks again for reviewing!**

**SimplyMe: Ha! Thank you! And yeah I know, to think one small decision from him would have completely changed how everything went! But then there wouldn't have been no story! ;) I totally agree, Stephenie Meyer really failed in developing Bella as a character, she tried making her look like the modest perfect girl, and all she seemed to be was self absorbed!**

**LoveMeLikeALoveSong: Wow … that was my longest review ever. Thank you! I think I would have too! I would totally hurt some people to find out my memories, I could imagine a conversation that wouldn't go down pretty nicely with her and Jake if she ever did find out!**

**And thank you for all your idea's, I take all my reader's propositions into consideration, and I'm sure I'll find somewhere to put them, just keep a look out for one of them **

**UnknownGirl: Thank you for reviewing! Lets hope it does, just so she can learn abit about who she once was and move on! Thank you for having faith in me :$ I will try!**

**EmbrysGirl444: We'll need to wait and see what will come, hopefully it will because she definitely needs the closure! Thank your reviewing again :D **

**SanityIsJustATheory: I like your name! Haha! And that's true, it definitely is A LOT to lose, four years of your life! Hope you enjoy this chapter! **

**OnlyGirl16: Someone needs to be! Others are always so nice to her and I'm like "OMG WHY?" The reason I loved Rosalie and Jane so much in the books is because they hated Bella XD **

**Sooooo … hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **


	9. Words

"_Everyday Is So Wonderful Then Suddenly It's Hard To Breathe, Now And Then I Get Insecure From All The Pain, I'm So Ashamed. I Am Beautiful No Matter What They Say, Words Can't Bring Me Down, I Am Beautiful In Every Single, Way Words Can't Bring Me Down … So Don't You Bring Me Down." – Christina Aguilera; Beautiful._

* * *

><p>I stood in the kitchen by the counter, staring curiously at the open cook book before me, apparently all of the cook books I had found in a box under my bed belonged to me, and Dad has said I was pretty good at it. Really good, so good that sometimes the pack would eat here, if I bothered to make enough food for that many people, so I decided to give it a go.<p>

I started off with something small, and made a small loaf of bread, it took a couple of times for practice, but I actually did pretty well, I don't know maybe I had some weird talent for it. The weird thing was is that I really enjoyed it, it was so therapeutic in the strangest way, I didn't even have to think when I was doing it, my mind just went blank, and it was so relaxing. Something so simple and easy to do, clearing my mind of the constant mixed thoughts of Jacob.

My heart clenched at the thought of him, he said he was working today, and wouldn't be here until the late evening, it physically killed me to go for so long without him, I was so dependant and attached to him; the thought of never being with him was a feeling that actually plagued me in nightmares, I just didn't understand what this feelings was, I couldn't even say it was love, because I didn't know what love felt like.

The fact that he had lied too about him never leaving me once in his life didn't help, in fact it made me cling to him more, desperately trying to reassure myself that he would be here for me, because Bella wasn't in the picture anymore. Leah said she was married now, and had a kid or something, she didn't really go into much detail about Bella's life now, and frankly I didn't want to know, the less I knew about her then the less I could hate her. But Leah's words still embedded it's self deep into my brain, because Jacob had left me, countless times for her, times when I had needed him, to help her out.

Slowly the puzzle pieces were fitting together, and I soon gathered that maybe I really wasn't in the right place when I had left for Seattle, but still even though I could tell Jake and I had probably had the rockiest year before my accident, it didn't seem like a sufficient enough excuse for me to _leave _La Push. God, this was so frustrating, I just wanted to freaking remember myself so I could settle all those unresolved problems with him, it was clear he was trying to fix his mistakes, and for that I didn't condemn him.

The pale blue apron I wore was covered in flour, and I had the slightest inkling that maybe some covered my cheek too, due to rubbing my face with the back of my hand a lot; I had been doing this whole baking thing for hours. Slowly I had moved on to muffins, the amount of ingredients we had in this kitchen was unreal, my father had constantly went out and brought them, because apparently he was hoping I would get around to this.

At one point in the afternoon he stood by the door frame, smiling affectionately at me as he watched me knead dough on the kitchen island, we spoke for a while then, me asking him what was my favourite thing to cook, and him answering as best as he could. It was such a simple conversation, yet it seemed to mean the world to him, he smiled so broadly before he left for work, and said something so small and under his breath, yet I still heard it. It held so much hope, so much happiness, and I had to blink back the tears in my eyes as he left, I had finally done something right.

"I'm getting my little girl back."

I was always a daddy's girl, even when my mum lived with us, I'd go to him for advice, or ask him for things like dolls and colouring books, or help on home work. We were always closer, he was just so much easier going than my mother ever was, and he took so much joy in life, and could light up an entire room with one smile. That was probably why I didn't live with my mother, I could imagine me sadly telling her that I was staying her, and her trying to keep her face void of emotion to show that it wasn't hurting her.

I don't care how long it takes, or how many questions I have to force on my dad, I was completely determined to find out just what had happened with him and mum as much as I was to find out what drove me away from Jake. There were just too many holes in this, too many confusing areas, so many riddles that I couldn't solve and it wasn't fair, because everyone else around me seemed to keep holding some sort of secret back.

I understand that they want me to get my memories back, but I couldn't do it on my own, I needed an idea, to help trigger something, they couldn't just expect me to produce a memory out of thin air. I had cracked my skull open after all, and I don't care how many times Jake frowned at me for using that excuse, I was going to continue doing it, because it made him feel guilty, and sooner or later he was going to give in. I knew he would.

The knocking on my screen door startled me, and my head whipped around to the garden door to see the large bulking figure of Quil, he waved enthusiastically at me, and I smiled and motioned for him to come in. He had to let himself in, since my hands were covered in flour and dough, his head ducked under the door frame, and it still shocked me on how unbelievably tall he Jake, and Embry were.

How I had befriended these four boys in eighth grade was an actual mystery, I must have really become tom boyish or something, because I had no girl best friends, apart from Leah, but she sort of counted as one of the guys too I guess. Out of the three boys Quil mostly tried to fill me in on what I used to be like, saying I was really harsh at times, and tended to swear a lot. It kind of shocked me really, seeing as the last memory I had of me didn't seem to match the personality that I remembered, but then again he also said the emotional damage from my parents divorce was kind of the reason to it.

Naturally, he didn't tell me anything when I asked why they divorced, except that I'd have to find that out from someone who had the right to tell, which was completely stupid, it was my life, I deserved to know. Maybe the thought my fragile head couldn't handle it, after all it only had been about four months since I left the hospital, and five months since I'd woken up from my coma.

Wow, I really did have a rough year; I bet no other seventeen year old could say they'd been through the same. They were all still in school, something I was actually dying to return to, because if Jake, Quil or Embry weren't around, life got so unbelievably boring, reading was okay sometimes, but when you had hours of the day free you wanted to fill it up with more things. I guess it was lucky for me that I had re-discovered my hobby for cooking.

Quil gave me an awkward hug to avoid the flour, and smiled broadly at me before taking a seat at the kitchen table, ridiculously dressed in dark denim cut offs and a navy shirt.

"So you've started cooking again?"

I nodded, motioning him to try the small batches of bread I had made, while I stuff the tray full of dough into the oven, and quickly washed my hands. Running my hands through my short hair I sat opposite him, falling into the seat with a tired sigh, he took no seconds to contemplate on eating the bread and just dived for it.

"Yep, you've still got it Sil," He muttered it through a mouthful of food, and I had to let out a loud laugh at his animal behaviour.

"I swear, you and Jake just eat like a pack of wild dogs!"

He chuckled quietly, before grabbing another piece, and heading to the fridge, sticking his head in it to probably pick out some peanut butter or something.

"So, how has your day been?"

I shrugged, even though Quil couldn't see, and rested my elbows on the table as I spoke, "Okay, nothing interesting except cooking … Jake send you here to check up on me."

He closed the fridge door with his elbow, both hands carry a jar of peanut butter and jam, he nodded and rolled his eyes in an annoyed manor, probably directing it towards Jake.

"I swear he's like a girl, whenever he's not with you he's always worrying … proper shouted at me so I remembered to stop by, and now I'm glad I did."

He raised the small loaf of bread up with one hand to emphasize his point and I smiled at that, my mind wondering to thoughts of Jake, and what he could possibly be doing now. Quil and I soon lapsed into a comfortable silence after that, and I got back up to start making some icing for the muffins, I settled on a dark green colour of food colouring, because it reminded me of the woods so much, which mostly reminded me of Jake, because that's what he always smelt like.

A small smile settled on my face as I thought of him, and suddenly time couldn't possibly go any slower as I wondered when he would come back here, praying to god it would be soon. For the last couple of weeks he had been at work for long hours on end, sending Quil or Embry to check up on me whenever they could too, it made me feel like a child that constantly needed minding.

I was perfectly capable of looking after myself; even my own dad had no qualms about leaving me alone on the house, but called in a lot to make sure I hadn't passed out or anything. For a cop he was extremely laid back, you'd usually think they'd be more paranoid about things like a break in and stuff, but he was perfectly mellow about that stuff. I don't even recall him giving me pepper spray for protection or anything, but this was memories I was going on from the age of thirteen, he probably did try giving me some in the four year gap between then and now.

"So, you're still cool about the whole bonfire thing this week right?"

I turned my attention to Quil, who sat back in the chair with his hands behind his head, taking a deep breath as if he had finished the entire loaf, and when I turned to look at the once full basket I had found I was correct. I nodded absentmindedly, going back to whisking the icing and making it soft, I heard Quil clear his throat, indicating that he wanted my full attention, and when our eyes connected I saw that he had a very soft look in them.

"You sure? We don't want you to feel like you have to go, it's only when you're ready Sil."

"It's okay, it's fine … I have to sooner or later, and I think I'm over the whole seeing an army of tall tanned guys now … don't worry about me Quil I'll be fine."

I smiled softly at him, trying to convince him that I really would be okay, because I genuinely didn't mind. At least I would meet them all on First Beach, so I definitely wouldn't feel as suffocated as I did before, and I couldn't avoid them forever. These people were once my family, people who had in their owns way been there for me, I couldn't just shut them out because I was scared of seeing them all, if I wanted to remember things I had to surround myself with the people I once knew so well and gave me so much to remember.

It was meant to be a whole day thing at the beach, and the weather had been pretty nice lately, I was just hoping it would last until the bonfire. They planned on going cliff diving or something, which was an activity I would clearly not be able to join in with, seeing as I still had a healing back, but I'd spoken with Emily over the phone and she'd kindly suggested that I help her set up a picnic and things, and help her look after Claire.

She was an extremely sweet woman, and spoke with a soft maternal tone; I almost wanted to hug her through the phone or something. Just by hearing I voice I felt as if she couldn't harm a single soul on this planet, and it was easy to see why the boys spent so much time at her home, besides her supposedly good cooking she was clearly their second mother. I was kind of nervous to talk to her at first, insisting to Jake that she would be upset I ran out on her welcoming party, but Jakes insistent nagging eventually got me to the phone, and Emily had been anything but upset, in fact she seemed overjoyed at the fact I had even said hello through the receiver.

So now I was determined to soldier through the entire day with them, learn things about them all over again, and hopefully have a great time. I didn't want to let anyone down again, especially Jake, it tore him up into pieces the last time I had ran out, and I definitely didn't want a replay of that.

By the time the cupcakes had been done and decorated, I placed a plateful of them on the table, telling Quil to help himself to a glass of milk if he needed to, and as soon as he dug in the screen door burst open, a smiling Jacob walking through flanked my Embry, both in similar attire to Quil. I didn't understand how these boys didn't get cold, it seemed to be the only type of clothing they ever wore, and when it started snowing I hope they had a warm pair of bottoms buried somewhere in their wardrobes.

Christmas was probably the best holiday I missed while I was in a coma, and not because I wanted presents, but because I thought of how much it possibly tore up Jake and my parents, you want Christmas to be a happy holiday to share with your family with love, not sit around a hospital bed watching your injured daughter recover in a long sleep.

I hugged Embry first, a brief one muttering small hello's, mostly because we both knew how much I was dying to jump into Jake's arms, and I felt like a silly school girl, bouncing on the spot waiting for him to lift me into his arms. He didn't disappoint, he never did, and every time he gave me that million dollar smile I felt the same amount of butterflies break out in my stomach like the beginning. He kissed me on both cheeks, before going to my forehead, and repeated the same cycle several times before I swatted his face away laughing, giving a small kiss on the cheek in return.

"How was your day?" He said, wrapping one arm around my shoulder as we watched both boys stuff their faces in with the cupcakes I had made.

I shrugged, slightly motioning to the table, to see his face brighten up even more at the activity I had been doing the whole day, and instantly I felt ten times prouder of myself to making him so happy.

"I've started cooking again! Tomorrow I'm gonna try harder things like lasagne, I found a cook book for that too and dads taking my grocery shopping tomorrow so I can get more ingredients."

"I'll take you, we can make a day out of it," I didn't protest at his suggestion, in fact I nodded my head enthusiastically, thankful for the excuse to spend time with him.

"Hey assholes! There's four people in this kitchen, not two!"

He released his hold on me to diver for the plate of cupcakes pulling them away from the boys to help himself, the protest of the other two boys sent me into a small fit of laughter, causing them all to erupt into fits as well. And for that small moment, I took in just how much joy I felt with these three boys, and somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind something triggered, and a brief image flashed in my head, it felt like a still photo, of a similar situation such as this. It had happened so quickly, yet still felt so prominent in my head, and I had to grip the edge of the counter while I gasped.

A memory. I had just gotten my first memory.

* * *

><p><em><strong>3 Months Earlier...<strong>_

My hands covered my ears, trying to block Jake's agonizing screams from inside his house, tearing my heart apart in a completely knew way, pulling on the nerves in my stomachs. I bit my lip hard, trying to stop the tears from falling, blinking them back as much as I could. This wasn't about me, this was about Jake, and he was hurt bad. Because of _her_, all of this could have been fucking avoided, he could have been fine, he could be at mine right now watching a movie and stuffing his face with the lasagne I had made.

Instead he ran out with the pack, saving her from a group of fucking vampires, vampires she had brought on herself to chase her, I silently wished that they had completely their task, that they had just killed her, because then things wouldn't be so fucking messed up. Save her life and ruin a whole load more, that's what seemed to be the logic behind Bella Swan, and I couldn't possibly understand why, she wasn't anything special, she was just self absorbed. Emily, Kim, Claire had to sit at home and worry, speculate, fear that they might not come back, and it was already a hard task to live through, but it had been made a whole lot harder when she had led a fucking coven of new vampires after her.

Another string of loud screams left Jake's home and I buried my head in my knees, trying to ignore it, because there was nothing I could do to stop the pain. The entire pack sat outside, standing around and finding it equally as hard to with stand Jake's yells of agony, and I just couldn't stand it. My hair was back into a messy bun, I had put that way in a rush from Emily's, barely able to even tie my shoe laces as Emily and Kim had rushed out the door of her house to come her, and I didn't even have time to think about the kiss Jake and I had shared not too long ago. He needed me, and I had to put aside what ever happened to be able to be there for him, no matter how much it killed me.

Again, cries echoed throughout the Black residence, and a whimper released its self from my mouth, one I had tried so hard to keep down from my seat of Jake's porch steps. Dr. Fang was in there now, breaking all of Jake's bones so they could repair themselves properly, and it sounded like the most painful process I had ever heard off.

Quil put a comforting arm on my shoulder, squeezing it softly, silently telling me to hold on, but I couldn't anymore. Physically and emotionally I was so tired, I was drained and worn out, my head felt as if it would explode any day now, everything had just toppled over, and Jake's injury didn't help that in the slightest. I felt as if someone and grabbed a baseball bat and was constantly hitting it against my heart with as much force as possible, destroying it until there was nothing left. This whole imprint thing was becoming too much, I was even beginning to wish that this had never happened to me, I didn't understand what I had done in my life to earn this much pain.

I leaned into Quil's touch, desperate for human contact, anything that would comfort me. That's when I heard in, the sound of a car door slamming, the soft and pathetic helpless tone of Bella swan as she demanded to see him, her fucking vampire boyfriend in tow.

How dare her! How dare she waltz in here and demand to see him, like she had some sort of right, like she was of any importance, pretending to be all worried about him? She probably just wanted to see if he would survive the night, so she could go on living with her sparkling boyfriend with a clear fucking conscious. I hated Bella Swan. I hated her from the deepest parts of my soul, with a burning passion, so much that I was up and charging for her before I even realised what I was doing.

I was so close to her, so close to whipping that fake concern of her face, so close to earning the closure I had craved for months on end by punching her in the face. Cullen stepped in front of her threateningly, while a load of the guys had dived for me, Quil getting to me first and pulling at my from the waist, and I clawed at his arms, screaming for him to let me go, so filled with rage and hatred that I screamed until my lungs needed air.

"I hate you! I hate you so much! This is all your fucking fault; you couldn't just die could you? You couldn't just save us all this trouble and pain, you don't even care who you hurt! As long as you get what you want! Which is everything you spoilt fucking brat! I _hate_ you!"

The tears flowed endlessly down my face as I screamed at her, and she did nothing but hide behind the shoulder of her boyfriend, attempting no come back, because she knew it was true, and it only made me hate her more. Emily blocked my view of her, cradling my face and whispering me to calm down, and as my legs buckled beneath me Quil's grip around my waist became more supportive, attempting to hold me up.

Emily's motherly embrace comforted me a little, but did nothing to stop the waterfall of tears and loud sobs that left me, and for the longest time I cried my heart out, soaking Emily's shirt, and she didn't complain, not one bit. I had quietened down eventually, and Quil had enough confidence to know that I would be okay if he let me go, but still stuck close by just encase I went on another rage rampage. Stuck to Emily's side from then on, finding comfort in being near her, and her soft nature reminded me so much of a mother.

It felt like an eternity when Dr. Fang had stepped out, Jake's once loud painful screams and long since stopped, but it didn't make sitting her in this cold weather of the early morning hours any easier. Everyone's became suddenly alert, looking to him for any good news, yet he didn't let anything on, no words of him being okay, or whether he'd need a couple of moths rest, or if the situation had worsen, nothing except two words. Five words that I didn't think could even worsen my mood any more than it had already been made, fiver words that had made the small broken pieces of my heart break into a million small shards, five words that would only ever be directed to her.

"He wants to see you."

I saw the way she rushed up the porch steps, the one sleep fleeting look to me out of the corner of her eye, and the smug aura she felt as she did so. It was always her, it was always going to be here, and at that moment, at four o'clock in the morning … I finally gave up.

* * *

><p><strong>I actually think this story will be finished before it hits the fifteen chapters mark! It's going at a much faster pace than I imagined! Yes anyway, we're getting closerrrrrrrrrr to finding out what happened, and hopefully Silver does get to bash Bella's head in. Wow, I'm violents!<strong>

**REPLIES:**

**Ramitora22: Thank you so much! I try to add in as much detail as possible when it comes to emotion so the readers can feel what the characters feel! Thank you for adding it to your favs :D Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Wolfhappiness: Thank youuuuuuuuu ^_^ Yeah I try to show the difference as much as possible, and now she can definitely begin to see their flaws, hopefully fixing it and making it a stronger relationship! Yes, Bella should be returning soon, making a cameo appearance or something haha! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks again for reviewing!**

**Embrysgirl444: I know! Me too! It gets so hard writing these scenes, i even get overly emotional tooo many times! Hope you liked this chapter and thank you for reviewing again :D **

**Pretty Monster Princess: Haha if only I could! That would just make everything so much better! And thank you :D Makes me so happy! Thanks for reviewing and hope you do again!**

**GymnastQueen: I think it was definitely needed! To see what was going through his mind, because I mostly write in Silver's point of view, so thank for the tip ;) Andddd urgh I actually just cannot stand Bella, she'll get whats coming to her sooner or later! And it was more of a brief summary, since Leah couldn't tell her in detail, that would spill most of the pack secrets and things! Hope you like reading this chapter! :D**

**Crawfish4: Haha no keep reviewing! Because it makes me SOOO happy and motivates me to do more chapters when I see your reviews! I dont think your readers fully understand just how good it makes me feel when you all do!And he's just a scared little boy, too scared of losing her again, and tbh he deserves all the grief he gets about her! Stupid man child like you said! **

**nathansprincess: Oh wow that was quick! Thank you for reading it so fast haha! Hope you enjoyed the update! Review again! :D**

**SimplyMe: Yes, you would assume right! Haha, and yes he may seem that way, but it's how i depicted him, going into more detail in character, because I think the characters need to be a little more developed and made less two dimensional! BUT I am doing an up and coming chapter that focuses on Jake and Paul's friendship, showing it develop and give you an explanation to why he behaved that way! So stay tuned :D**

**MyAwesomenessisAwesome: I know *sigh* boys boys boys! Haha thank you! I like to keep it divers! but the memories don't really have much of an order, they just jump back and forth, hope this had the spark you usually get when reading! Enjoyy!**

**WOW! I actually cannot believe how many reviews I've begun getting for each chapter! it's unreal! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You're all so great and I honestly love you all, I hope I continue to please you all with good chapters! HAPPY READING EVERYONE!**


	10. Down

"_You Can Take Everything I Have, You Can Break Everything I Am Like I'm Made Of Glass, Like I'm Made Of Paper. Go On And Try To Tear Me Down, I Will Be Rising From The Ground Like A Sky Scraper." – Demi Lovato; Sky Scraper._

* * *

><p>I shot up out of my bed, breathing heavily and wiping the sweat forming on my forehead, my heart racing at lightening speed, and my head throbbing uncontrollably. That was the third time I had had that dream, one so clear yet so confusing that I was beginning to think it may not be a dream at all, but possibly another memory.<p>

It wasn't just images though, like my last one had been while I was in the kitchen with Jake and the others, all three of them over the moon that I had finally remembered something, even happier that it was a happy memory about them. This was different though, this was the opposite, yet it wasn't a sad memory, I felt feelings when I was in it, I felt like I was actually there. All the shouting and crying, my mothers horrified face as I yelled something to her, clearly hurtful enough to make her show an emotion such as that, my father was so quite in it all, yet he looked just as broken.

I couldn't even figure out what the shouting was about, I could hear certain things but it was always distorted, like my brain was still trying retrieving that part, like it was still breaking through this thick brick wall that kept all these memories hidden. I had genuinely thought that maybe it was just a dream, showing my frustration in the fact I couldn't remember things properly, but the second time I had it I began to pay closer attention, looking at the details, how I was young again, back to my near last memory, my parents were wearing their wedding rings.

It had to be the memory of why my parents split up, that was the only possible explanation for what it was about, simply because my mother and I never argued, she was too mellow for that, she never lost her temper. Ever.

I sluggishly made my way out of bed, running my hand through my short hair, and shuffled across the hall into the bathroom, looking into the mirror I noticed how the once large line across my scalp was fading away, an almost invisible scar there, covered by my very short hair already. I honestly couldn't wait for my hair to grow back, I felt like a boy with it being this short, no matter how 'in' it was in terms of fashion, my hair was something I had always loved, and I was trying to grow it to at least the waist, and it had all gone to hell when I got on that god damned bus.

After brushing my teeth, I made my way downstairs for breakfast, fully knowing that it was way past noon. Jake had a habit of keeping me up all night talking about the most random things, not that I complained, I enjoyed every second with him, and he had been in a twice as better mood now that a memory had finally returned. His other habit however was leaving way before I woke up, probably even before dawn, leaving my once warm bed too cold for my liking.

I smiled at my father as I walked into the kitchen, receiving a kiss on the top of my head in return; he shuffled around me with his coffee mug to sit at the small dining table, being the quite reserved man he had always been and began reading the morning paper, dressed for work.

I watched him quietly as I waited for the kettle to finish boiling, my stomach already growling at the thought of food, and continuously opened and closed my mouth, plucking up then losing the courage to ask the question that had been plaguing my mind for days. I had let it go for the past couple of months because I was so set on being patient, letting my memories come back to me in due time, but with dreams and small flash backs only spoon feeding me I was almost desperate to see what had really happened, there was definitely a truck load of secrets they were all keeping from me.

"Dad?" I whispered quietly, hearing him 'hmm' softly, letting me know I had gotten his attention, coffee mug raised to his lips as he took another sip.

"Why did you and mum get a divorce?"

The question was like taboo; his eyes widened and stopped midway of drinking his coffee, coughing slightly like he had choked on the liquid. He placed the mug down on the table, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath, not looking at me as I stared at him expectantly. I needed to know.

"I've been having dreams, of me and her arguing … and they feel real."

He looked at me a little anxiously, motioning for me to take a seat beside him, and I complied quietly, letting him take one of my hands that rested on the table as he looked at me attentively, almost as if the words he were going to tell me would cause a seizure. He cleared his throat, scratching his chin with his left hand, and I silently noted that he still wore his wedding ring, it only confused me more, I had no idea to what could have possibly happened with their marriage. From what I could remember they seemed perfect for each other, dad could tolerate her passive behaviour, it was actually one of his most loved traits about her, so for them to abruptly split up baffled me beyond anything else.

"Sweetheart, I wanted to wait until your mother came down this weekend for us all to discuss this … but I can see that you're not gonna let this go until you find out," he smiled sadly then, as if remember something about me, and I had a small suspicion that I may have previously been a very stubborn girl, "just keep an open mind when I tell you, you've come so far with your mother and I don't want that all to be for nothing."

I stared wide eyed at him, shocked that my relationship with her could have possibly been that damaged, and waited patiently for him to begin his story, not at expecting any of the things he revealed to me to ever come out of his mouth.

I'd needed fresh air after that revelation, so after my dad had finally went on his way to work, I pulled on a pair of plain back welly boots and began walking down the muddy roads of La Push. The cold moist air caressed my skin and made me feel at ease, tucking my hands into the pockets of my grey hooded jumper, and breathing a large sigh, my thoughts jumbled up. I didn't know what to think of my mother really; I was still getting over the disbelief, shocked that she would do such a thing, it just wasn't her.

Then again four years had passed, and this had supposedly happen well long ago, god only knew what my mother was like now, even though she seemed the same to me. I didn't quite think I could treat her with hostility now; I had been a different person before, clearly not a nice one at that, even I knew that the divorce of my parents had clearly left me quite bitter. I was so confused, if I hated her then why would I have gotten on that bus in the first place? Was I willing to give her another chance? Had she done something else to anger me that I was ready to let her have it? I just didn't know, dad had only gone as far as to tell me why they split, he didn't offer me anything else.

The grey skies indicated that it would probably rain later in the day, which shouldn't really surprise me since sunshine was a rarity in La Push, and the moist muddy ground beneath my Wellingtons indicated that we had heavy rain the night before. I still remember my way around La Push, although it was a large place, and from the long walk I took the destination I had in mind was First Beach. It was always quite there, always peaceful and the perfect place for thinking clearly, except for when the odd people from Forks came down to surf, but even then it could still feel like you were alone.

My thoughts automatically went to Jacob, as if my mind was programmed to do that every now and again, and the strange pull I felt whenever I thought of him resurfaced from his deep slumber, and I smiled at the thought of him, wondering whether he was at home or not. I was actually thankful for the painkillers my doctor had given me, they made my entire back practically numb, so I didn't even need to use the back brace as much, in fact he said I had been so well in terms of my physiotherapy that I wouldn't need to use it at all if I didn't want to.

The pain could be unbearable at times though, I'd find my self crying a lot and gritting my teeth waiting for the pain killers to kick in, that was something Dr. Cullen said would fade away with time, he'd told me that I'd always get back aches due to the amount of damage my spinal cord had taken, but that it would calm down to just a dull ache eventually.

Deciding against First Beach I changed course, once again craving the close proximity and warmth that Jacob always brought with him, and to ask about the bonfire I was meant to attend in the next few days, round two of me trying to reconnect with old friends, without the obvious meltdown. His house was the same as it looked the last time I had been here, maroon paint chipping away, yet giving it that cosy family feeling that I always loved when I came here, although I still hadn't met or re-met for lack of better words Jacob's sisters, from what he had told me they didn't live in La Push, but visited from time to time.

I noticed the doors to Jacobs small garage opened, the rabbit only just poking out, and made me think that he had probably been working on it this morning, I smiled as I thought about how much he loved the car. He told me he had built it from scratch, and that I had actually been there for most of it, another depressing moment for me as I couldn't remember this myself.

I waited patiently on the porch steps after I had knocked a few times, hearing a scuffle and grunt on the other side, and the door swung open to reveal a rather dishevelled looking Jacob, and it appeared as if he had just woken up. I suddenly felt a little guilty, he never seemed like he got enough sleep, dodging between his work and spending time with me so to interrupt what little sleep he got was a bit rude of me.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

His wide grin spread warmth in my chest, even with his hair ruffled and shirt creased a considerable amount he managed to pull off looking extremely adorable. He was like a teddy bear that I wanted to squeeze the life out of with a hug right now, and he waved me off with one hand while the other pulled me in, shaking his head softly as he kissed the top of my head in greeting. I smiled softly at his tired expression, startling him when I pulled him in for a small hug at the waist, his arms eventually wrapping around me.

"What's wrong?"

I looked up at him, speaking quietly as if it were a secret, "Dad told me about my mother leaving him for someone else."

His smiled dropped completely from his face, and he took on a worried expression as he led me into the kitchen, taking a seat beside him, the entire house was quite, Mr. Black didn't appear to be here, and I was thankful for that as it was quite a personal conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He was silent for a moment, brows furrowed in frustration as he contemplated an answer for me, and I scooted closer to him in my chair, my hands softly grabbing his to show that I was angry, and when he spoke it seemed forced, as if he were angry with himself.

"I wanted to- believe me I really did … but your dad, he wanted you to reconnect with her … you don't understand Sil' back then you were just so- so _angry_, so hurt that she would leave you both like that … she just wanted another chance to be your mother again."

It went silent after that, thinking about what kind of person I would have been back then, and from the little things I gathered I didn't like the old Silver, I think I was happy not remembering things, because every little memory or piece of information I got back I behaved so horribly, even that overly pale beauty freak Bella wouldn't have a reason to be so horrible to me if I wasn't equally as bad to her.

"I wasn't a very good person," I mumbled quietly, casting my head down in slight shame.

"No you weren't Silver! You had every right to be angry, you just had this habit of being extremely stubborn," he chuckled softly as he ran his hand through my short hair, pulling me closer so that I would look him in the eye.

"I actually loved that the most about you."

* * *

><p><em><strong>One Year Earlier …<strong>_

"You don't have to be so mean about her," Jake grumbled, and I laughed loudly before shoving him on the shoulder.

He was once again, on the topic of his new found crush Isabella Swan, and to be perfectly honest she sounds quite boring, which was exactly what I had said to him, but it was only to lighten the mood as he seemed quite depressed over the fact that she was taken. His long black locks were pulled back in a low ponytail, and as much as I tried pestering him to let me braid just once he always relented, saying that I could do it to my own long hair.

"I'm kidding, look she obviously thinks you're cool guy … I think you should just wait for your chance tiger."

He looked at me sceptically, one eyebrow rose as he fought a smile from my statement, "tiger? Really?"

I shrugged, leaning my head on his shoulder as we continued to watch the film he had put in, Embry and Quil had left earlier, and like always Jake was the last one here, staying longer than the others because we both had a love for being lazy.

My thoughts went back to the Swan girl; she was apparently new in town and had just moved back in with her dad in Forks, who was a cop. Jake said he knew her from when they were kids, and had some puppy dog expression when he spoke about seeing her again now, it was strange really because Jake had never taken an interest in any other girls before, hell I was the only girl he even spent any time with. I'd go as far as admitting it unsettled me a little bit.

I groaned as I heard the phone ring, wishing my dad was home to pick up for me, I nudged Jake, giving him a sickeningly sweet smile, silently asking him to go get it, I was to comfortably on this couch to get up now. He snorted at me, shaking his head before turning his attention back to the television.

"Your house, your job."

"You suck."

He ignored me as I got up, walking into the hallway where the house phone was placed on a small table, along with a bowl of house keys, and greeted whoever was on the other line with an irritated tone, I didn't like being forced out of a comfortable spot.

"Hello? Silver … it's your mother."

My blood ran cold, and my heart rate sped up as thousands of different kinds of insults flew through my mind, I had no intention of speaking to this woman.

"Yes?"

My tone was icy, indicating that I didn't want to be on the phone to her right now, or ever for that matter, and she could tell that as she spoke hesitantly, nervous and clearly afraid that I would hang up at any moment, my nostrils flared in anger at the fact she had the audacity to call us after god knew how long.

"How are you sweety?"

"What do you want?" I snapped, my anger in full swing, reeling at how she could even think to call me by that nickname anymore, I hated the woman with a passion and she was well aware of it.

"I – well I .." she continued to stutter as I kept silent on the phone, my breathing accelerating a little, I had nothing to say yet I wanted to scream bloody murder at her.

"I'm getting married … and I want you t-"

I slammed the phone back into its place, tears slowly streaming down my face as I pulled the entire set out of its cord and threw it against the opposite wall, the device smashing to pieces ad shattering onto the floorboards. Marriage. She was getting _married_. Like it wasn't bad enough that she had left my dad and I here, took off with some nobody guy in Seattle with a better job and other kids, but she had to go and fucking get hitched with him, thinking she could just call up and let us know like it was some fucking mother daughter conversation.

I plunged my foot down onto the broken device, feeling as if my anger hadn't fully been released yet. I wanted to scream, let the air empty out of my lungs and just scream for hours. I hated her. There was no other way to describe how I felt other than those three words, and unfortunately for her they were not three words of positive feelings.

I wanted to hit something, anything, and if I were the size of Jacob I would have punched every single wall in this house a long time ago. To stop myself doing anything rash I weaved my fingers into my hair, refraining from pulling on it and continued to trash the phone beneath my feet, ignoring the dull ache it was beginning to cause.

"Hey, stop Sil- stop!"

Jake held an iron like grip around me as he pulled me away, withstanding my struggle like I was a small child, repeating the same words, trying to calm me as his back rested against the wall, sliding us down it until we sat both sat on the floor. My back against his chest as he let me cry, his grip never loosening, holding me tight enough so that I couldn't lash out once again.

He offered no words of comfort, nothing to soothe me or make me feel better, and I was thankful, because he knew that anything he would say could possibly make me feel better. He was just there; like he always had been, silent and protective, my best friend. The tears subsided, along with my anger, retreating back into the darkest parts of me, waiting for the next opportunity it would have to lash out, and I eventually calmed.

"It was _her_," I eventually said, breaking the long silence between us.

"I know … I always know when Silver."

He breathed out softly, and it was true to be frank, he could tell the best when my mood shifted, he watched how hostile my eyes would become and the rigidness in my shoulders when her name was ever brought up in conversation.

"Come on, lets go out for a bit … you can braid my hair."

I laughed, letting him pull me up from my armpits effortlessly as we went, turning to him with an appreciative smile.

"It took a phone call from my cheating mother to let me braid it?"

* * *

><p><strong>I would say 'I'm Bacckkk' but then again you're probably not very pleased with me .. I just … I don't know it's become very difficult to write this, actually I wrote this chapter on a whim because I had a passing breeze of inspiration … I dunno if this is on hiatus … but I will say don't fully expect an update everyweek on it because I'm just horrible with this story. I am really sorry to let you all down but what I CAN promise you is that this story WILL be finished, because I will never abandon it. <strong>


	11. Sick

"_I Know It's Hard To Remember The People We Used To Be, It's Even Harder To Picture That You're Not Here Next To Me. You Say It's Too Late To Make It, But Is Too Late To Try? If Happy Ever After Did Exist, I Would Still Be Holding You Like This, All Those Fairytales Are Full Of It, One More Stupid Love Song I'll Be Sick." – Maroon 5; Payphone._

* * *

><p>"You don't have to buy anything," Jacob chuckled out, his hands buried deep in his pockets, a rare occasion of him fully dressed in a black shirt, although the shorts were nigh impossible to get rid off.<p>

"Since you let my muffins burn while I was in the shower; yes I do."

He grinned at me sheepishly, and I let out a laugh at his slightly pink cheeks. Jacob had told me that with their bonfires at the beach Emily usually cooked up some sort of feast, and since my major screw up the last time I had tried to meet them I wanted to contribute at least something. So I ended up forcing Jacob to get in the Rabbit with me, drive me down to Port Angeles and take me to a small Walmart, I didn't find much luck on anything I could bring. Their pastries and cakes were very limited, seeing as it was a fairly small store, and I ended up just settling for a box of Krispy Kreams.

We didn't stop there though, we decided on a full shopping spree, since I needed more ingredients for baking; which I had taken up to doing regularly now, and on solely buying junk food for when we got home after the bonfire. A basket was hanging on my arm, Dorito packets and snickers bars that Jacob had thrown in littering it. Looping one of my arms through his I finally picked out a box of twenty four donuts, sure that that would be enough for everyone.

Jacob looked to me fondly, his eyes full of an emotion I still couldn't decipher, yet I knew he only reserved that look for me, and as always made my heart swell.

"You sure you're up for this?"

I rolled my eyes as we walked towards the checkpoint, "if you keep asking that I'll be tempted to say no!"

He smiled widely, showing his teeth as he did so, and readjusted his arm to around my shoulders, pulling me in and placing a soft kiss on the side of my head, directly on where my scar lay. His lips hesitated there for a moment, as he realised what lay beneath them, and I rubbed his back with my left arm to assure him that I was okay.

I waited beside Jacob quietly as the store clerk scanned our items, my eyes wandering to passing people and absentmindedly to the entrance. I wouldn't have noticed it if it were any other person, but since Port Angeles was filled with relatively normal people they stuck out like a sore thumb. One so alike in stature and looks with Jacob, strolled into the store, dressed in cut offs much like Jacob, and a dark red shirt that barely seemed to fit him; just like Jacob.

What intrigued me the most, however, was the little girl he held in his arms, perched on his hip. Long brown hair practically glowing as if it were a jewel cascaded over her shoulders. Her deathly pale skin complexion did not make her sick, but like a porcelain doll, fragile yet beyond beautiful. Wide full lips were spread in a soft smile as her eyes wandered around the store, the colour of honey and hazel made her seem just as beautiful. She couldn't have been more than eight, and with her appearance being the polar opposite of the quilete boy who held her in his arms, I knew instantly that they were in no way; shape or form related.

Then it had clicked in my head, her fiction like beauty, her distinct features; I had seen them all before. Someone who I had not particularly warmed, someone who I had clearly despised before my accident, and I intended to keep on despising her for her volatile behaviour the time we had met. I automatically grimaced as I thought of Jacob's nickname for her; _Bells_. I didn't care how childish or jealous I appeared to be when she came to mind, her possessive and cocky nature over Jacob had me wanting to swing a nail studded baseball bat into her perfect features. She didn't have the right to be possessive, especially with that hideous contraction of a wedding ring on her finger.

The quilete boy seemed vaguely familiar to me; he too held distinct features with someone I already knew; only this time I couldn't put my finger on it, because if I were to be completely honest every reservation kid looked pretty much the same. The tattoo on his bicep however, alerted me that maybe he belonged to Jacob's group, and before I even had time to turn back around his eyes had caught mine, stopping mid step in his walk through the supermarket. He knew me, that was obvious now and as he changed his course of direction with a grin on his face, his deep booming voice was yelling out Jacob's name.

It caused not only Jacob's head to turn abruptly, but every other occupant in the supermarket as well. With his eyes eventually locking with those of the quilete boy walking quickly towards us, Jacob's body visibly stiffened, and with one hand already holding the bag containing of our things, the other automatically snatched at my wrist, effectively pulling me slightly behind his shoulder.

"Hey Seth," his voice was rigid as 'Seth' reached us, and the boyish almost innocent grin on his face had me failing to see why Jacob would be so stiff towards him.

He barely seemed to notice it though, or maybe he simply chose to ignore it, either way his free hand slapped Jacob on the shoulder, and the familiar boyish greeting made the tenseness in Jake's shoulders relax slightly. His jaw remained set, and he held a particularly hostile look towards the small child in Seth's arms, who sat smiling nonchalantly to the entire situation.

"Hey man, hey Sil'" I blanched at his perfectly normal greeting towards me, the shortening of my name had me positive now that he knew me, and at my bewildered expression he shook his head at himself, "sorry I forgot … no pun intended!"

He was just a kid, and that was clear from the apologetic look on his face at his last words, and truth be told I probably wouldn't have even noticed the pun if he didn't point it out, but I smiled politely up at him anyway, waving it off.

"It's okay, nice to meet you Seth."

He nodded appreciatively, all the while not noticing Jake's unnaturally silent mood, who seemed to be having a staring contest with the small child in Seth's arms.

"Ness, you gonna' say hi?"

The little girl in his arms shyly nodded, and the loving grin that took over Seth's face almost reminded me of the way Jacob sometimes looked at me, it was clear he doted over this girl like his own little sister. It was adorable, and I couldn't help myself to my own small smile as she waved softly to both me and Jacob, her other hand pushing her brown locks out of her mesmerising eyes.

I moved forward again slightly, extending my hand to her, "It's nice to meet you Ness, I'm Silver."

She didn't get a chance to take it, because Jacob grabbed my hand and forced it back down with unnatural force, an animal like growl erupted from the base of his throat and he took another step forward. Seth frowned, his arm around Ness tighten just the slightest bit, looking slightly offended at Jacob's reaction, which I too thought was quite rude.

"She didn't mean any harm Jake."

"I don't care, she doesn't touch Silver. You know that."

A painful silence engulfed us as Seth and Jacob continued their staring match, the younger of the two pleading with his eyes, appearing to only want some form of peace. I didn't understand Jacob, he wasn't behaving like himself at all, and the way he repelled away from Ness, grimacing as if she smelt of something awful, glaring icily at her when he could; it was beyond irrational, she was just a child, she hadn't done anything to offend him. I'm not even sure a toddler was capable of offending a seventeen year old boy, with the physique of a heavy weight boxing champion at that.

I yanked my wrist out of Jake's hold, annoyance taking over me, and stepped forward once more, in front of him and smiling brightly up at Seth.

"Are you coming to the bonfire tonight Seth?"

His eyes broke away from Jacob's, silent for a moment as he seemed to be collecting his thoughts, before his boyish young smile took over once more.

"Yeah I am actually, heard you were coming too."

"I am, that's why we're here, to get some food for it," I turned briefly back to Jacob, his eyes cast down to the floor, and I could now tell he was itching to get out here, "you should bring Ness if you can, I'd love to have you there."

I smiled softly as I directed the second half of my sentence to the little girl, nodding in encouragement when she looked up to Seth in approval, but before Seth even had a chance to reply I was yanked on my wrist once more. This time a lot harder, intending to drag me out of the store and away from Seth and Ness, Jacob didn't even look back as he muttered a rigid goodbye to Seth, claiming to see him later.

"What is your _problem_? She's just a child!"

I folded my arms in anger by the passenger door of Jacob's Rabbit, only he seemed to be too occupied with running his hands through his hair in stress as he unlooked his door and slipped in, leaving me no choice but to follow. He remained silent the rest of the way, keeping an iron grip on the steering wheel, and out of my own stubbornness I refused to make conversation. Already from my reaction to him dragging me around could I tell I wasn't the kind of person to like it, I was not an object to be owned, I could speak to whoever I wanted to. Especially a five year old toddler.

We both remained silent in the car, with only a few rays of sunshine coming through in the day, meaning it was just about warm enough to be able to swim, although you were still likely to freeze to death. It was La Push after all.

He parked the Rabbit alongside a set of pick-up trucks, most of the people invited seemed to have already arrived. I didn't wait for Jacob as I stepped out of the truck, slamming the door behind me, with the carrier bag of food in my hands I walked down the sandy path towards the beach. I could hear Jacob behind me his pace slow, knowing well enough I wanted to be left alone by him, and as I squinted my eyes to see the silhouettes of a group I sped up my pace.

Emily spotted me first, her long black hair in a loose plait placed on the side of her shoulder, her bangs softly swaying from the breeze, she grinned widely at me meeting me half way and calling my name in greeting, her scars distorting it slightly but made me feel no less welcome.

"Silver! You're finally here," she out stretched her arms to embrace me in a hug, which I returned warmly, my arms wrapping around her waist.

"Hey Emily," she released me, only for me to be brought into another hug by Kim, her shoulder length hair flowing in the breeze; she was a girl of few words, but extremely sweet none the less.

Emily rolled up her sleeves of her checkered shirt, grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the rest of the group. Jacob had reached them before me, clasping Embry, Quil and Jared around the shoulders, getting pats on the back from Sam, Paul and a few others; two of them looked to be as young as thirteen but still somehow looking ridiculously tall. It's a quilete thing, that's what Jacob had said countless times, only I don't recall ever seeing any boys apart from the pack who looked nearly as huge as they did.

Brady and Collin, Emily had introduced them, both taking me off guard with warm hugs, and as I tucked a short strange of hair behind my ear I stood alone, simply watching and listening to how comfortable they were, practically family. It was sweet, some punched each other playfully, although it looked to be rather painful, before shrugging off their shirts and about to head towards the cliffs, Sam pecked Emily softly on her scared cheek, Jared and Kim sharing a moment of eye contact, with the emotion speaking pretty much for itself.

"Where are they all going?"

"Cliff diving," Kim answered easily, helping Emily in setting up a table by a few logs, and I passed them the bag full of donuts.

"Is that safe?"

Emily and Kim laughed together, Embry ruffling my short hair, causing me to whack at his bare chest.

"You used to do it yourself, with me and Jake!"

"I did?"

"Yeah," Quil interjected, chuckling softly, "you practically shit a brick every time but you loved it!"

"Maybe when your backs all good you can try again?"

I looked up ahead of them, to the tall and thick cliff edge, with waves crashing against it down below, and my stomach churned at the idea of doing such a thing, no excitement or thrill ran through me as I pictured jumping off of it.

"No thanks," I muttered softly to Embry, before watching his smile falter a little and nodding, he turned with Quil heading for the cliff, his hand resting on the back of Embry's shoulder in a brotherly comforting way. A small flicker of guilt sparked through me at that, and I had a feeling that it was maybe something Embry used to love doing with me.

Jacob soon blocked my vision of them, his tanned features wary of me, and his lips seemed to tremble, as if he were debating with himself whether to smile at me or not. I simply stared at him, knowing he wouldn't apologize for the way he behaved, that much I knew about him, but forcing the reason as to _why _he behaved so rudely was an entirely different matter.

"I was gonna go with them … unless you wanted me to stay here with you?"

It was his own way of trying to reconcile, only I wasn't ready to do so just yet, so instead I shook my head at him, "I'm fine here; go." And turned away from him, heading towards Emily and Kim, not sparing another glance back at the boy I had come to cherish so much.

* * *

><p><em><strong>4 Months Earlier … <strong>_

"Where the _hell _is Jake? He's going to be late."

Embry shrugged beside me, the cold La Push air blowing softly, causing me to wrap my arms around myself tighter, I was freezing despite the Lakers jumper I wore, something I had stolen off of my dad.

"He said he had to do some shit first."

Rolling my eyes at Embry, whose mouth was full of a hotdog, I left him by the table full of food, each pack member bickering over who got the last burger and what not. The bonfire had been lit long before the sun had begun to set, and due to the death of Harry Clearwater a new face had taken his seat in the council meetings, Sue sat quietly beside Billy, her eyes still and focused on the fire before her, Leah sat on the floor beside her, leaning against her mothers legs slightly. Our eyes caught for a moment and I smiled at her, receiving a nod in return, a small flicker of a smile forming, barely noticeable.

I sat down on the floor, Quil sat on a log beside me, his knees reaching the top of my head, allowing me to lean against him, and stuffed my hands into my pockets. I waited for Jake quietly; laughter and bickering filtering through the entire beach, soon to be died down as the enthralling enchanted stories of the tribe would be told. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, wisps of it falling out of the bun I had put it in, my ears turning pink slightly from the cold wind, and I longed for Jake's warm arms to envelope me in a bear hug and keep me safely wrapped up and warm, the image itself making me want to fall asleep.

It was Seth who startled me out of my reverie, yelling out Jake's name, and my head darted up, brown eyes squinting through the darkness to see where exactly Seth had seen him. I followed the young Clearwater's silhouette as he darted across the sand, reaching Jake's tall form in record time.

My smile however, was completely wiped off when I noticed who was with him. Pale skin, light brown hair, an ever present annoying fucking sad face; who else? Bella Swan.

She quietly stuck to Jake's side, smiling at Seth and being the unbelievably sweet boy he was spoke politely back to her. The urge I had once had to be close and to hug Jake was now gone, replaced with nothing but a very angry, and very volatile feeling, towards the both of them. Wasn't it against the rules? To bring someone not from the reservation to a meeting as sacred as this, let alone a fucking lover of vampires, who were the packs greatest and oldest enemies? It was unfair, and I didn't care if I was being a brat about it, the girl wormed her way into every fucking possible corner of Jake's life. He would never do half the things he had done for her with me, which was a fact I was sure of.

"What the _fuck_ is she doing here?"

Quil eyed me out of the corner of his eye, and I knew he was fighting to not show the sympathetic look in his eye.

"Jake and the leech are taking shifts on watching her … until we catch the red head."

His voice was soft and cautious, wary of me and how I could possibly react to that, and truth be told he should be. I understood that she was coming to close to the reservation; I got that much at least. But purposefully sticking their necks out to run shifts of watching her? Leave that to her vampires. I didn't give a fuck, she wasn't our problem, she wasn't an imprint, and she sure as hell was no friend of the tribes if she so easily sided with the vampires. I didn't understand why people constantly made excuses for her, acting as if it were okay for her to want to live amongst vampires, and then come here whenever she got bored, Jake wasn't her second option, nor should he be an option at all. She was just selfish.

Embry interrupted my murderous thoughts by plopping down on the log to my left, his hand briefly squeezing my shoulder; dark eyes alight with concern and warning.

"Just … try to be nice," the glare he received in return caused him to sigh, before perking up and smiling towards Jake, who was fast approaching with Bella on his heels.

Embry's hand clasped Jacob's in their pack way that they had always done, followed shortly by Quil, before he grinned down widely at me, his smile faltering as I glared back up at him. He closed his eyes for a moment, sucking in a breath as if he were withstanding the urge to shout at me, and it only made my glare become all the more volatile. He had no right to be angry, least of all to me. If he even heard I had been hanging around with another guy he would scream the entire reservation down, so I didn't understand why I couldn't have the right to be angry.

"Hey _Bells_, how's your vampire? He has happy as I am about you being here?"

"_Silver!_"

I ignored Jake's tone, my eyes fiercely set on Bella's, who had hers cast down. I took pleasure in the fact that I so clearly intimidated her, and I was going to abuse that every chance I got. I stood, wiping the sand off the back of my jeans, tucking another loose strand of black hair behind my ear, allowing twice as more venom as before to seep through my voice.

"You don't belong here."

Quil and Embry bolted upright, gripping onto my elbows, which wasn't necessary seeing as only one of them would be like behind held down by an anchor. Jake soon blocked my vision of her, his voice as cold as it could ever be with me, and if I wasn't so shocked by it I may have had the common sense to shoot back with something.

"That is _not_ for you to decide. I want her here."

I blinked at him a few times, just to make sure I had actually heard him say that, before pursing my lips and nodding. Wrenching my arms out of Quil and Embry's grip, I looked at Jacob once more, whose hard face had now softened. But he had never been one for apologies, and if he was going to try and make some form of truce I knew it wouldn't be today, it would be another day; when Bella was around. Because I was forever the second option, the one he dumped things on.

"I'm done with this."

I shoved at is shoulder, though it was practically pointless, seeing as he barely stumbled, and walked to the other side of bonfire, where I caught eyes with Leah's curious ones. She nudged her head, motioning for me to sit beside her, and I did exactly that. She said nothing as I settled into my seat, drawing my knees up to my chest and glaring into the fire, but her presence was there, and I knew it was meant to comfort me. For that I was thankful, because I knew tomorrow we would have a hell of a lot to bitch about. Our bond may have solely formed based on the fact that we were given the shit end of the sticks in a one way love triangle, both in messed up imprinting ways, but it didn't make our friendship any less solid than a normal one would.

So I sat there quietly as the camp settled down, people taking seats, Emily tucked into Sam's shoulder, Kim leaning against Jared's chest, settled in between his legs. And Bella, her head leaning on Jake's shoulders.

"I hate her … I _really_ fucking hate her."

Leah snorted softly, her cold eyes flickering briefly to Bella, who averted her eyes quickly when caught staring by Leah, whom she was so clearly terrified of.

"I'm not her biggest fan either."

Her hand rested on mine gently, squeezing it, and held back just as tightly, for I knew how difficult it must have been for her to sit with Emily and Sam in the vicinity. She was so strong on the outside, like a brick wall, and I admired her so much for it, so much so that she gave me the strength to avoid Jake's eyes throughout the entire night.

* * *

><p><strong>I know its been like … forever … and I know the last chapter was shit. BUT I think I'm onto something again, I'm not promising anything, but I haven't completely lost the love I have for this story yet, so I'll try as hard as I can to get out other chapters! Thank you for the support you've all given me in reviews, I know its infuriating when someone stops updating, I get annoyed myself! But you're faith in me was very touching and I hope you continue to have it!<strong>


End file.
